The Italian, breakfast, and Tina.
1. My phone rings. I answer it and hear singing. It’s the Italian and he’s had a weekend of sex and fun with his Venezuelan girlfriend. I listen for the first 5 minutes as he singsongs about his weekend. He says, breathlessly and in a huge blur, “Do you know how many freakin’ orgasms this woman had? And I believe it! I may be a schmuck, but I believe it!”
I laugh and he says, “You know why I tell you these things? Because you’re an enabler. Oh, I like being enabled.”
2. When I eat breakfast foods, I want a little bit of everything. A bite of a pancake, a bit of a biscuit, a sausage link, a strip of bacon, eggs, a bite of a crepe, etc. I don’t want much of any one thing, I just don’t want to eat a plate of pancakes and not have the sweet evened out by something savory. This is what I think about when blogging in the morning, I guess.
3. Well, as previously reported…I am taking my mother to go see Tina Turner on Friday. This means I will have taken my mother to Oprah and my father to Diana Ross and now, my mother to Tina Turner. Gee, where should I take my dad next? Bette Midler?
*sigh*
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
You know Random, if you were smart you would have found a fun little Tranny show where you could have seen Tina, Bette, Oprah, and Diane all at the same time!!
September 30th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I agree.
I have a whole flock of trannys you could borrow to make it happen.
September 30th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Have you tried brinner? Breakfast for dinner… you make as much as you want, then in the morning, you can scavenge through the left-overs and take those little bits and pieces of breakfastastical goodness.
–d.mc.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
The Italian – now that’s a way to kick off the New Year. I spent the night with a guy recently who said he had a magic touch that way. He did show me one new and *very nice* trick. Too bad the rest wasn’t magical. Sigh… Maybe I need to start dating Jewish guys?
Or you can just send your fully enabled friends down South to my neck of the woods. LOL.
That attitude is what brunch at the Four Seasons was made for.
Bette Midler is hot!
September 30th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Trannies FTW!
(these are the type of comments you will be getting from now on since my brain has been turned to mush by statistics. I apologize in advance).
September 30th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
If I ever come to Chicago, we’re going to breakfast. (Or you can just come to DC again and we’ll actually meet in person this time.) We’ll be like Jack Sprat and his wife. Oh, nah, maybe not. We’ll both be eating fat *and* lean. I like a little of everything for breakfast too…some savory, some sweet. I go for the balance. I always get the eggs/bacon/sausage/homefries selection with a side of french toast (or make it easy with the Bob Evans Country Skillet or whatever it’s called…it’s all the savory stuff in one bowl…topped with sausage gravy…yum). That does it for me. And the lead balloon in my stomach isn’t quite as heavy as it would be if I ate, say, a plate of 6 pancakes that are bigger than my head. Seriously. Who can eat all of that? The amount of food waste in restaurants is obscene. Oops, sorry. I veered off topic. My bad.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
I just purchased a bag of ranch doritos and a snickers bar because I was having a crappy day and need something savory. But then I thought – but I need something sweet too. And then I stood in the 7/11 for a half hour after buying my megamillions ticket that was supposed to get me the money to purchase a Bruce/Billy/Barack ticket arguing with myself if I wanted an ice cream sandwich or a microwavable mac n cheese.
I did not win the megamillions. But I enjoyed my savory ranch doritos and my sweet sweet snickers.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Hahah. My un-girlfriend is a tranny, my other roommate is a tranny, and my boss was SO excited Friday morning when I came in.
My boss: “I booked you a haircut, new client. It’s a tranny.”
Me: “…thanks? Because, you know, I farm them. Keep them in a kennel out back. I milk ‘em.”
My boss: “*blink*”
October 1st, 2008 at 1:01 am
Tiffany – Dude. Please, please don’t let your words be a curse upon me.
Please.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:02 am
Chivahn – You lead a very interesting life. *laugh* Your comments made me pause and re-read them. Twice.
I like your use of: *blink*
October 1st, 2008 at 1:03 am
d.mc. – Man, I love brinner. Almost as much as I now love the new word ‘breakfastastical.’
October 1st, 2008 at 1:04 am
PT-LawMom – Oh man, The Italian is going to love hearing that someone wants him to pay a visit.
Bette Midler is hot?
Okay, define ‘hot’.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:05 am
Dear Bev – I fully expect that your liquefied brain will be leaving me all manner of inappropriate comments. I look forward to reading all sorts of devilment into them.
Sincerely,
-R.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:05 am
KissyFace – Can you imagine what our breakfast table would look like? Are you good with sharing food? Some people aren’t so keen on other forks in their food.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:07 am
Vittoria – A woman after my own heart!
Except that I hate Doritos.
Please let me know when you win the megamillions. I want you to treat me to both an ice cream sandwich and microwavable mac n cheese.
October 1st, 2008 at 4:45 am
I’ve been having breakfast every day here in Europe that way. A little bit of croissant, a little bit of muesli, a little bit of caffe con panna… make that a LOT of caffe con panna. NOMZ. I love breakfast buffets.
You can only top that parental list by going to see Cher, Celine Dion, and/or Judy Garland (if she were still alive). And that would be the ultimate Gay Man Concert Trifecta!
October 1st, 2008 at 9:57 am
how can you hate doritos? they are all that is wrong with the world. and by wrong, i mean so deliciously right.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Speaking of good breakfast in Chi-Town, My wife doesn’t shut up about Toast, RE have you been there?
Other note I hope you are not a White Sox fans they beat my beloved Twins last night and now are not going to the playoffs. So my wife is probably secretly happy because now I won’t be obsessed with watching baseball all week.