Random Esquire

1.  Have you heard the 911 call of the young woman working at a City Laundry & Cleaners?  The store was robbed and the robber shot her in the back of the head.  Miraculously, she was able to drag herself to a phone and call 911.  I am ashamed to say that there is a part of the call that makes me laugh.  Here’s a transcript:

911 Operator:  Hello 911, What is your emergency?

Young woman:  I’ve been shot and I just got robbed.

911 Operator:  You’ve been shot and robbed??

Okay, it’s how the Operator says, “You’ve been shot AND robbed?!”  Like she can’t believe this woman’s bad luck.  First, she gets shot but then they robbed her on top of it?  I know it shouldn’t make me laugh.  I’m not sure it can be helped.

2.  For some reason, I was thinking about Dolly Parton today.  I know, I can’t explain why I get these thoughts.  That just reminded of me of the time I pondered what would happen if all the tubes of toothpaste were sold out.  I know it seems like I should have better things to think about but you know what?  Not so much.  Anyway, it sort of amazes me that so many people love Dolly Parton that she has her own theme park.  That’s sort of outrageous, right?  It’s like backwoods Tennessee threw up all over Disney.  How many banjos do you think are in Dollywood right now?  It’s like trying to guess how many jelly beans are in a jar.  Man, I wish there was a way to get that answer.

3.  The monster was smelling like a cross between corn chips and dirt.  It was time for a bath.  While I scrubbed him down, I calmly explained to him that it was perfectly okay that his skin was nourished with oatmeal extracts, that the girls like a good smelling fellow and it doesn’t matter if some people think it’s odd.  What matters is that he likes it and it makes him feel good.

Little Filthy licking water off his nose.

I smell good. Don't be a hater.