Black Market Baptism.
I spoke with my sister tonight. My niece is 2 and my nephew is 4 1/2 months old. She said, “I’m going to get the kids baptized.”
I said, “Oh, yeah? What prompted that?”
(Just for the record, I realize the correct answer is “Jesus” but I asked, nonetheless.)
My sister said, “Well, you know I’m not all Catholic but it’s easier to do this when they are young. Otherwise, it’s a pain in the ass if they decide to get baptized later.”
Did I mention that my sister and I both went to Notre Dame? That might have backfired. We’re not all Catholic. We’re Cafeteria Catholics. (I’ll take some of that…a little of that…none of that please…)
She continued, “But if I do it here in town, I have to join the church and all that. So instead, I have this friend…and she knows a priest.” She might have whispered that last part. I can’t remember because I was already laughing.
She said, “Yeah, I just have to make a donation. To his mission. In Sri Lanka.”
So I’m going to go visit and sign the paperwork to be a godparent. And then, when the kids get older, I can tell them all about how their mother acquired a black market baptism for them from some beatnik poet dressed in black making money on the side by painting white-out on his collar and blessing the children with Pellegrino.
You know, since he’s for hire, maybe I’ll get Little Filthy baptized. Anyone want to make sure my dog grows up properly? He’s going to need some godparents.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
July 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 am
hahaha I love that whole “I know someone who knows a guy…” thing.
Who would have thought there was a black market for that sort of thing!?
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:03 am
Seriously. You got a relative you need buried quietly? We know a guy.
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:51 am
Your sister is hilarious. I’d love to be Filthy’s godmother. Although, I was never confirmed, so they may not allow that… then again, black market dude may not care. Anyway, you can send Filthy to me for vacation and I can make sure he leaves a baked potato on Roomie’s bed. AHAHAHHA
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:46 am
Can we be godparents if we’re not Catholic? Kala still has her heart set on marrying LF so she thinks it would be quite weird to be his “godsister.”
July 23rd, 2008 at 12:10 pm
This year, for the second year in a row, Seattle Pride kicked off with the Hot Dog Blessing (http://www.capitolhillseattle.com/2008/06/25/get-your-dog-blessed-at-bottleneck/bottleneck_dog_blessing.jpg/large) by a priest from the Liberal Catholic Apostolic Church. Yes. He blessed hot dogs. To kick off gay pride. And a whole weekend of free hot dogs at a local bar. So, if the black market priest on the d.l. thing doesn’t work out, you can get a Catholic priest in Portland who blesses weenies to do the baptism.
July 23rd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I’m a non practicing Buddhist, but hell, i’ll baptize Loki too. I’ll do yours if you do mine.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:42 am
@Avitania That is freaking hilarious. Are there videos? Does he also bless condiments or just the weenies?
July 24th, 2008 at 7:20 am
Kez - My sister lives in New Jersey so I suspect that many of her conversations may begin with “I know someone who knows a guy…”
I *still* cringe when thinking of that spider in your place.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:21 am
SnarkyRunner - What makes me laugh is my sister is pretty prim and proper but she comes up with some off the wall stuff sometimes.
I laughed at the baked potato on roomie’s bed comment - BRILLIANT.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:23 am
Bev - I’m pretty sure you don’t have to even be a relatively normal, good, decent person to be a Catholic so I don’t see what the fuss would be about if you weren’t Catholic.
Oh…on the Kala thing. Little Filthy thinks she’s coming to visit. He’s been hittin’ the park really hard, trimming down and toning.
Don’t disappoint mah boyeh!
July 24th, 2008 at 7:24 am
Avitania - I love it. The priest’s name is Sowers. And he’s for hire. Father Sowers. dig it.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:27 am
Lily - I like that quid pro quo. I’m in.
July 27th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
honestly, have not laughed so hard in a week. She “knows a guy”? That’s perfect.
I was raised Catholic and I am baptized as such - however the Mister is not religious at all, and we decided that we would wait and let the girls be baptized in whatever denomination they choose later - even though we go to church semi-regularly they have given us no indication that they are at all interested at this point…who knows…
Now Lulu and Izzy need some salvation. I’m sure in Seattle I could also “find a guy” and save their souls. Might be a good excuse for a party huh?
July 27th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Tiffany - Glad you enjoyed it.
You should completely throw a Lulu and Izzy Soul-Saving party. Let’s face it…it’d be groundbreaking.