Hell, bug bites, lunch, texts and United.
1. I told a friend today I was going to hell. His response? “Upgrade to first class so we can sit next to each other.”
2. If a girl shows you the massive bug bite on her swollen, red thumb, you should say, “Whoa, that looks painful! Does it hurt?”
You should not say, “Might as well get that cut off now. Spare yourself the agony of watching it rot off.”
That is what you should not do.
3. I had lunch with Instigator today. I paid. You know why? Because she was wearing a skirt and put on lipstick. I’m a simple creature. I believe there will be a party at Instigator’s place in August. Getting invited is like scoring an invite to the Oscars. I asked if there would be a swag bag. She said yes, we’d have to bring one in order to get into the party.
4. I mis-text a lot. Please tell me I’m not alone. I’ll send a text message and then realize I sent it to the completely wrong person. It isn’t entirely my fault. It’s how my phone stores text messages. But…yeah, not so smooth.
5. I had the chance of meeting Ms. Single Mama last night but circumstances prevented it. Circumstances being United Airlines. Which sucks.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
July 9th, 2008 at 9:59 am
1. Fantastic response on his part. Any time someone says that to me I’m like “Hey, it’ll be the best damned party we’ve ever been to.” What? I like parties…
2. Who did you say that to?! Tell me NOT your niece. Or any child of sorts. And, if someone gets annoyed or sensitive at your silly comment just blank face them.
3. So all I have to do is wear a skirt and put lipstick on and you’ll pay for me to eat? I like this idea. No I just have to move over there… hmmm… Also, I would like to reiterate what I said in #1… I like parties… *hint*
4. HAHAHHAHA. I am SOOOO not surprised by this. Is it when sober or drinking that you mis-text the most? I don’t think I’ve mis-texted in a long time. Although, I’m SURE Unofficial has mis-texted me once or twice in the past… It’s slightly infuriating depending on what was texted and how quick the wrong receiver is. I’m pretty quick. Hahah.
5. I hate all airlines currently. Mostly because they are so damned expensive and prevent me from visiting you. Grrrrr…
July 9th, 2008 at 10:47 am
1. i’m driving the bus, so you won’t be alone.
annnnd that’s all i got this mornin’.
July 9th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
1. LOL, at least you know that you won’t be alone
2. That depends on the girl in my opinion. Some people complain far too much – about everything – and they deserve this sort of comment. I have no patience for whining.
3. Sounds Fab…were I closer I would so crash a party thrown by Instigator!! I would bring the bestest swag (and alcohol) so she would have to let me in!!
4. I’m text-tarded… so I just don’t bother w/ it any more. I just call and yak yak yak instead.
5. That does suck.
July 9th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Tiffany, you have a standing invitation.
July 9th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Hrmmmm. I’m flying to the windy city on United as well. Is there some problem? I HOPE noT!
What is, SWAG? Boy. I feel kinda dumb right now…
July 9th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
If I were the girl I would crack up. But only when you wouldn’t see me because I hate giving people the satisfaction of making me laugh. I’m twisted that way.
Also, in re texts, I have the habit of copying and pasting the same text to multiple people. The problem I THEN have is 2 weeks later texting the person I was judging in a previous text and accidentally pressing copy and paste. This has happened more than once. I haven’t lost a friend yet (altho honestly I kind of wish I had) but I think maybe third time’s a charm.
July 9th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
I mis-text when I drink a lot.
Not as badly as I drunk-myspace though. THAT gets me in trouble.
Weren’t you coming to Seattle this month?
July 10th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
#1……LOL! I’m gonna steal that one:)
July 10th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
@ Instigator…
Hurray!!
I may run off to Chicago for the weekend one day and leave the Mister with the kids. God bless frequent flyer miles and paternal guilt. LOL, he travels so much that I just might be able to talk him into it one day… but probably only once!
July 10th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
YOU mixtext? I’ve got a text stalker from my drunken times of trying to text you and texting someone else instead. But it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
July 11th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Solved the mystery. I found out that no airlines will let you switch your flight at a connection if you’ve checked your luggage. What a bummer that was. My phone has been dead ever since, I’ll call you as soon as I get my charger back, or buy an iPhone, whichever comes first.
And I absolutely love #1.
A
July 11th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Great post as usual. Love that thing about what NOT to say. Gotta’ remember that. HA!
Miss these posts! I must stop by more often. I am at the airport headed for a weekend of fun in Aspen. On United. I’ll tell them you said hello.
xoxo
July 13th, 2008 at 8:11 am
Snarky –
1. Yes, I thought it was rather clever, too. PARTY.
2. I said it to Besos. This kind of smooth doesn’t happen overnight.
3. Pretty much. Skirt + Lipstick = free lunch. Dinner is another story.
4. I think I did a better job texting while drunk. Sadly.
5. YES. HATE. Come visit anyway.
July 13th, 2008 at 8:11 am
Lily – Don’t stop the bus for anyone who doesn’t look fun. Or hot.
July 13th, 2008 at 9:50 am
1. I recommend the skydiving option
2. Nothing says love like thinking of the worst possible outcome that can come out of a bug bite situation. It’s only a way to express concern!
3. Heh! None of our friends does a swanky enough party for us to care. Perhaps it’s time for new friends.
4. The iPhone (hint, hint) is great for texting. Makes it EXTREMELY hard to send a message to the wrong person. However spelling things wrong… easy. Do it all the time. This morning I sent a message that I was doing a 60 mile RUDE. Fail.
5. You have a chance to meet me coming up too! Please don’t leave the country when we show up in Chicago as a joke
July 13th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Tiffany –
1. Yes, true. Hell should be enjoyed with friends.
2. I sort of love this comment. To her credit, she laughed.
3. Oh boy. You + Instigator = Much Random Teasing.
4. I like text-tarded. I’m a self proclaimed text tard.
5. yesh.
July 13th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Instigator – Look, you and Tiffany can not gang up on me. Just saying.
July 13th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Brenda – No, no problem with United – just some flight change stuff that they wouldn’t let us do.
SWAG is that bag of free stuff you get at nice parties or award shows, etc.
July 13th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Vittoria – Yup, she smirked at my comment and called me a whiskey-dad.
You’re a text-tard, too!
July 13th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Chivahn – You mean you mis-text a lot when you drink? or that you mis-text when you drink a lot of alcohol? or both?
I was, indeed, going to try to make it to Seattle. Instead, however, the Seattle crew is coming to Chicago in August.
July 13th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Schokolade Madchen – Hey! How’re you doing? And yeah, that first one was good.
July 13th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
QTMama – Is that guy still texting you?! Nice!
Um, are you texting him back? And if so, please to be meeting in a public place. (kidding…)
July 13th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Ms.SingleMama – Hi there! Ahhh, so that was the problem. Enjoy that time without a phone. It’s sort of blissful, really. And I look forward to speaking with you! Glad you made it home safely.
-R.
July 13th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Ms. Cheevious – Hi there, gorgeous! Hope that flight to Aspen went well. I’d suggesting trying to stay out of trouble but I’m pretty sure that trouble has a way of finding you. Hope we talk soon. -R.