Random Esquire

1. While in Paris, a conversation struck up amongst us Americans about bidets. One young woman said that her friend at home in Michigan had a bidet …and that said friend’s teenage daughter loved it.

*blink*

I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.

2. Despite crawling through my front door very late on Sunday, I managed to get to the office on Monday morning and take The Ballerina to dinner that night. After we watched some TV and I dropped her off at home, I think I’d been awake about 50 hours straight. Anyway, back to my point – when making dinner plans with The Ballerina, she sent me a text that said she was buying perfume. At dinner, I learned that it was her “Summer perfume.” I must have looked puzzled because she told me that she buys a new perfume for each season. She shoved a wrist across the table and I smelled. I admit. She smelled nice. You know, it’s sort of ridiculous that I find these high maintenance habits charming in a person.

3. While in Italy, I was rather aggressively approached by someone who, in a not so subtle manner, suggested making love for two hours. A complete stranger, mind you. This was in front of a group of people who broke out into wide grins and watched my awkward handling of the situation. Had it been someone else *cough* in Italy, I’d have gladly grabbed her hand and ran off to the nearest dark corner but, as it was….not so much.

4. Since I returned from Europe, I have a new goal: I am going to become an alcoholic. I realize this is setting the bar rather low for most attorneys but as someone who just doesn’t drink much, I now realize that it wasn’t for any other reason other than I’d been drinking the wrong thing. Now, however, I have seen the light. By 10 a.m. this morning, I’d purchased a 12 pack of Erdinger Weisbier and Warsteiner Dunkel. Nothing will quite recapture Switzerland, Austria or Germany but I’ll give it a go. Maybe I should ask Plush to wear this:

I realize it may be terribly boring to listen to vacation stories so I will keep them to a minimum. Here’s where I went and a highlight from each:

Paris, France – I want to move here and marry a French woman. Highlight: Musee D’Orsay was more than I expected.

Beaune, France – Tried wines in underground caves/tunnels below a convent.

Switzerland – Paragliding in the Alps. Also, discovered that I love Dunkle Perle.

Austria – Down a luge and hiking through the Alps across the border into Germany and going to Neuschwanstein Castle. Austrian women prove to be…better than expected.

Venice – Managed to convince someone to give me a poster advertising a movie festival. Got yelled at by three Italian women as I tried to pry off a poster about dance for The Ballerina. Night gondola ride proves actually rather cool.

Florence – Stayed at a Tuscan Villa straight out of a movie. Ridiculously charming.

Rome – Oy, where to begin. This city captured me. Everything about Rome was…fascinating and charming. Including the women.

In fact, especially the women.