Random Esquire

1.  I almost killed myself with sugar snap peas tonight.  I made some for dinner, bit off the ends and tried to suck the peas out.  You know what?  Don’t try this.  You’ll choke on a flying pea.

2.  My phone rang this evening and I saw that it was my sister calling.  I said, “Hello, [sister!].”  She said, “Hello…” and I could tell instantly that she sounded funny.  She said, “Is this Dr. Jones office?”  I didn’t know what to say.  I mean, not unless she and her doctor are closer than I would have guessed.  Then she said, “Hi, I’m calling you because we were just in there and you gave little [her daughter/my niece] some great mittens from the thumb fairy.”

Oh.

Ohhhh.

I said, “Yes, this is Dr. Jones.”

I got on the phone with my niece and said, “It was so nice to see you today.  I hope you use those mittens from the thumb fairy so you do not suck your thumb.  Are you going to wear your special mittens?”

My little niece says in a tiny cartoon voice, “  no.  ”

I heard my sister say, “yyeeessss.”

Little niece says,   ”    yes.    ”

heh.
3.  I’m an organizational nut.  I use a Circa planner for work notes and google’s calendar app, which syncs with my Outlook for work.  And still, I’m not sure if I love it.  Dammit.  How the hell are the rest of you staying organized? Hipster PDAs?  Smart Phone?  Scraps of paper?

1. I did a double take when I saw Fresh Express today. She decided that frosted, pale green eyeshadow was the way to go. And go large. It was…jarring. I’d say it brought out her eyes but really, it just brought out her eyelids.

2. Instigator is inundated at work. Today, she walked into my office, I glanced up and the moment I saw her eyes, I said, “You’re on the edge.” I described her as standing on a pair of train tracks debating if she’d rather hurl herself in front of the train…or push other people in front of it. She said, “That’s pretty accurate.”

3. I’m coining “listyle.” It’s List + Style. And that’s how I roll, baby.  And SnarkyRunner is awesome.

4. Little Filthy had not seen Boss in quite a while but she came by for dinner last night. I let him out the door as she came down the hall so he could run down to greet her. He was so excited, he ran up and down the hallway until he literally made himself sick. You could practically hear him screaming, “Moommmmmyyy!” He got inside the loft and proceeded to open his mouth and make that *kkaakkk!* sound. You’ll see her again soon, little man.

5. I saw Plush on Friday night – the first time since my return. I think I had a dumb grin on my face much of the night.

6. Speaking of that night, The Ballerina may get a new nickname: Whiskey Dad. This is the dad who turns downright mean after a few drinks. The scene the next morning is the kids at the breakfast table, silent as mice, as Whiskey Dad makes eggs and acts like everything is normal. Meanwhile, the kids are scared to move. So, anyway – a friend was going to meet us out later that night and didn’t make it and The Ballerina let said friend know exactly how unacceptable that was through a series of drunken (and completely hilarious) voice mail messages. If only I could have recorded them to play here for your odd mixture of pleasure and cringing.

7. I have never had surgery. Is it scary?

8. While brushing my teeth a few days ago, I had an odd thought: What would I do if all the toothpaste sold out at stores? Let me explain my train of thought. My travel size toothpaste ran out while I was in Rome. I went into a store and bought some more toothpaste: Pasta del Capitano. That means The Captain’s Pasta, right? Or paste? What the hell – I clearly don’t understand Italian. Anyway – they also had Colgate. I wondered what would happen if all the Colgate in the world were bought and how much that would help the economy, both in the country in which it was sold and the U.S. Company maker. Then I wondered what would happen if all the toothpaste sold out at stores. I knew I’d be okay because I’m a CostCo addict and I’ve got no less than five full tubes. Then I wondered if I’d share it and realized that yes, I would.

What a complete waste of mental energy.

Let’s eat our way through Europe. Here are some pictures I took of my meals during my travels. Tuck in and hang on. This is a killer post of food.

Paris, France: Escargot with garlic and parsley butter.

From Rue Cler in Paris: Nutella and banana crepe.

Paris Street Food: Gyro…on a baguette.

More food after the jump.

(more…)

1. While in Paris, a conversation struck up amongst us Americans about bidets. One young woman said that her friend at home in Michigan had a bidet …and that said friend’s teenage daughter loved it.

*blink*

I’m not judgin’. I’m just sayin’.

2. Despite crawling through my front door very late on Sunday, I managed to get to the office on Monday morning and take The Ballerina to dinner that night. After we watched some TV and I dropped her off at home, I think I’d been awake about 50 hours straight. Anyway, back to my point – when making dinner plans with The Ballerina, she sent me a text that said she was buying perfume. At dinner, I learned that it was her “Summer perfume.” I must have looked puzzled because she told me that she buys a new perfume for each season. She shoved a wrist across the table and I smelled. I admit. She smelled nice. You know, it’s sort of ridiculous that I find these high maintenance habits charming in a person.

3. While in Italy, I was rather aggressively approached by someone who, in a not so subtle manner, suggested making love for two hours. A complete stranger, mind you. This was in front of a group of people who broke out into wide grins and watched my awkward handling of the situation. Had it been someone else *cough* in Italy, I’d have gladly grabbed her hand and ran off to the nearest dark corner but, as it was….not so much.

4. Since I returned from Europe, I have a new goal: I am going to become an alcoholic. I realize this is setting the bar rather low for most attorneys but as someone who just doesn’t drink much, I now realize that it wasn’t for any other reason other than I’d been drinking the wrong thing. Now, however, I have seen the light. By 10 a.m. this morning, I’d purchased a 12 pack of Erdinger Weisbier and Warsteiner Dunkel. Nothing will quite recapture Switzerland, Austria or Germany but I’ll give it a go. Maybe I should ask Plush to wear this:

I realize it may be terribly boring to listen to vacation stories so I will keep them to a minimum. Here’s where I went and a highlight from each:

Paris, France – I want to move here and marry a French woman. Highlight: Musee D’Orsay was more than I expected.

Beaune, France – Tried wines in underground caves/tunnels below a convent.

Switzerland – Paragliding in the Alps. Also, discovered that I love Dunkle Perle.

Austria – Down a luge and hiking through the Alps across the border into Germany and going to Neuschwanstein Castle. Austrian women prove to be…better than expected.

Venice – Managed to convince someone to give me a poster advertising a movie festival. Got yelled at by three Italian women as I tried to pry off a poster about dance for The Ballerina. Night gondola ride proves actually rather cool.

Florence – Stayed at a Tuscan Villa straight out of a movie. Ridiculously charming.

Rome – Oy, where to begin. This city captured me. Everything about Rome was…fascinating and charming. Including the women.

In fact, especially the women.