Let’s do it Listyle.
1. I did a double take when I saw Fresh Express today. She decided that frosted, pale green eyeshadow was the way to go. And go large. It was…jarring. I’d say it brought out her eyes but really, it just brought out her eyelids.
2. Instigator is inundated at work. Today, she walked into my office, I glanced up and the moment I saw her eyes, I said, “You’re on the edge.” I described her as standing on a pair of train tracks debating if she’d rather hurl herself in front of the train…or push other people in front of it. She said, “That’s pretty accurate.”
3. I’m coining “listyle.” It’s List + Style. And that’s how I roll, baby. And SnarkyRunner is awesome.
4. Little Filthy had not seen Boss in quite a while but she came by for dinner last night. I let him out the door as she came down the hall so he could run down to greet her. He was so excited, he ran up and down the hallway until he literally made himself sick. You could practically hear him screaming, “Moommmmmyyy!” He got inside the loft and proceeded to open his mouth and make that *kkaakkk!* sound. You’ll see her again soon, little man.
5. I saw Plush on Friday night – the first time since my return. I think I had a dumb grin on my face much of the night.
6. Speaking of that night, The Ballerina may get a new nickname: Whiskey Dad. This is the dad who turns downright mean after a few drinks. The scene the next morning is the kids at the breakfast table, silent as mice, as Whiskey Dad makes eggs and acts like everything is normal. Meanwhile, the kids are scared to move. So, anyway – a friend was going to meet us out later that night and didn’t make it and The Ballerina let said friend know exactly how unacceptable that was through a series of drunken (and completely hilarious) voice mail messages. If only I could have recorded them to play here for your odd mixture of pleasure and cringing.
7. I have never had surgery. Is it scary?
8. While brushing my teeth a few days ago, I had an odd thought: What would I do if all the toothpaste sold out at stores? Let me explain my train of thought. My travel size toothpaste ran out while I was in Rome. I went into a store and bought some more toothpaste: Pasta del Capitano. That means The Captain’s Pasta, right? Or paste? What the hell – I clearly don’t understand Italian. Anyway – they also had Colgate. I wondered what would happen if all the Colgate in the world were bought and how much that would help the economy, both in the country in which it was sold and the U.S. Company maker. Then I wondered what would happen if all the toothpaste sold out at stores. I knew I’d be okay because I’m a CostCo addict and I’ve got no less than five full tubes. Then I wondered if I’d share it and realized that yes, I would.
What a complete waste of mental energy.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
1. Gross.
2. Ugh… poor thing.
3. Like it.
4. Awww LF… little bugger just got too excitable…
5. Cute!!
6. OOOOOH… I LOVE this… hahaha… Whiskey Dad is almost as good as her pseudonym “Janet Reno”… haha
7. Are you having surgery? Is this why you’re asking?
8. WOW. Seriously… WOW.
June 11th, 2008 at 12:12 am
EDIT:
3. TOTALLY LOVE. Hahhaa… nice shout out!
June 11th, 2008 at 8:29 am
1. Yes. Gross. Her eyes looked like fiestaware.
6. Had I realized what a complete misnomer “The Ballerina” was, I’d have thought a little harder before nicknaming her. She’s brutal.
7. Noooooooooooooo. I mean, I don’t think so. Not that I know of.
8. I know. Jacked.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:51 am
I dig Listyle. A lot!
June 11th, 2008 at 10:44 am
’tis good to have you back, darlin.
ps – FE still freaks me out.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
1. I personally wouldn’t do frosted green eyeshadow, however, with enough blending, eyeliner and mascara it can be pulled off. I seriously doubt FE has makeup skills enough to do it though.
4. I know that sound all too well. Does LF ever snork? Snorking is the noise that is a mix of snorting and choking. Its like this weird sniffing they sometimes do when they’re really excited.
7. If wisdom teeth removal counts… no its not surgery isn’t scary. But waking up from the anesthesia giggling like hell is fun, and so are pain killers.
8. Glad to know I’m not the only weirdo who thinks about completely pointless stuff all. the. time.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:40 am
“Her eyes looked like fiestaware.”
HA! How apropos for spring.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:20 am
1. Suddenly I had visions of the 80′s. It wasn’t a good flashback.
2. Heh. We’ve all been there before I think
She should start a secret Fight Club on the side to take out her aggressions.
3. Shoot, now I can’t call it “ripping off RE” anymore
4. Very cute
Unfortunately our dogs do that kkaakkk thing way too much. I think they just like kkaakkkiiinnngggg.
6. I LOZD on this one when I read it. Hehe. It made me think of the movie Swingers
7. I’m there with you. Never had. DO NOT WANT.
8. You know, in reading this whole story the thing that popped into my mind was… why did you choose Pasta del Capitano over Colgate?
There’s something not appealing about Paste of Captain to me. I’m just sayin’.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:30 am
QTMama – It’s the latest Spring rage.
Lily – Thank you.
And yes, she’s creep-out worthy.
MissMegs – Yes, LF does that. We call is backwards sneezing. heh. If I can, I open his mouth or lift his lip and then he sucks in enough air to stop. Glad you’re thinking of the pointless stuff right along with me.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Lynchseattle – I can totally see how something like Fight Club would be a rush and very cathartic. It’s like the adult version of Jackass.
As for why I bought the Captain’s Paste instead of Colgate….well, because I was in Rome.
And when in Rome…
June 12th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Yeah! I’m glad you’re back too
I really think you need to sneak a photo of fresh express. Come on. You can crop it and just show us the eyelids. Pretty please?
I love the little filthy story. Wow. I can’t believe I love a story about a DOG. Hmmmphf!
The Ballerina sounds awesome. I’ve left a few nasty messages in my day. Especially lately. Well…and don’t you wish there were hand held phones with real cradles to slam them into still? For hanging up purposes, the END button just doesn’t cut it.
Surgery is kinda scary. I mean, the part the night before is scary. You start thinking about “What if I die and my mom found my….” and stuff like that. But since there’s so much of the stuff I don’t want my mom to find, I couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it. So there’s that. Then just before they start shooting you up, you might feel a bit scared. “Hey. What if i don’t wake UP?” but then, when they shoot the lovely valium or whatever it is into your veins, that anxiety just goes away. I remember them strapping down my arms the first surgery I had, and the classical music, and that the room was COLD and then they had me count backward. I got to like 5 or something. The second time I remember them talking and stuff, and they told me I’d be out in a second. That was true. Both times I woke up having to pee DESPERATELY!
So that’s what surgery is like
Toothpaste? Remind me to go to the store tomorrow, I’m almost all out. I like Rembrandt