Hello, little filthy squirrel.
Do you know how hard it is to climb a tree in the city?
Okay, I didn’t climb a tree. There is one squirrel, in particular, that likes the tree by my patio/balcony. The funny thing is that it has no tail and so it looks somewhat like a rabbit. Plush and I were on the patio about a week ago and I pointed out the crackers I’d left for the tail-less wonder. And sure enough, the little thing came hopping along and she got to see the little beast.
Then, last week, I noticed a smudge of furry brown by the curb. I walked over and, sure enough, it was a flattened squirrel and it sure looked like my patio friend. I sent Plush a text (I resisted the urge to send her a picture mail) and told her that the squirrel was no more.
I left the patio door open today and glanced out to see Little Filthy and the squirrel having a stare-down. They were only about 2 feet from each other. It hadn’t been smooshed after all. I mixed some oats with peanut butter and stuck it on a branch. Happy little thing.
I sent a text message to Plush, “Not to be graphic…but the little squirrel is back and, thanks to the wonders of digital photography, it is now clear that she is a girl. And she has the hugest set of squirrel knockers I’ve ever never seen.”
She wrote back, “You, my dear, may need a hobby…I think your obsession with breasts may have gone too far.”
Edited to Add: I sent a picture to QTMama so she could see what I was talking about and her response was: “HOLY GOD! You’re right! Who knew?? Damn.”
I’m telling you people, it’s like… little saline implants.
Share This
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
May 4th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
We used to feed the neighborhood squirrels at our old house (prior to dogs). They can be brazen little suckers, but we hand-fed them peanuts in the summer. I know they’re just furry rats but I still think they’re cute. Chris and Chad saw (and held) a baby possum last night- they said it was cute, but then they grow into this:
http://failblog.wordpress.com/2008/04/22/taxonomy-fail/
May 4th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Aw, cute squirrelly.
Once we had a squirrel roaming around in the walls of our house (an old mansion cut up into apartments). No one was living on the 3rd floor and it got into that apartment and was rolling something over the floor over and over and over…it couldn’t seem to get out. I swear it was in the walls and my cats were freaked (yeah, so good at keeping the rodents away).
My landlord (who, incidentally is a lawyer) was going to hire some big exterminator and I got upset and said “Can’t we just open a window up there? Maybe it just wants out.” So we did that. Sure enough, within an hour, the squirrel escaped
May 5th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I had no idea girl squirrels had knockers. How INTERESTING!
May 5th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Bev – That is too funny. Possums are ugly, man.
Brenda – Nice to have let it go. I wonder what it was rolling around up there. Not surprised to hear that the lawyer’s first response was, “Kill it.” It is often mine, too.
QTMama – Ohhh yes. I’m going to send you a picture via e-mail You will gasp.
May 5th, 2008 at 10:38 am
So funny! What a cute little squirrel…
May 5th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Ok, squirrels have knockers. Big ones. If I ever decide to get my knockers done, I’m taking a picture of that squirrel with me to the doctor’s office.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I want to see the pic of squirrel knockers
May 6th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Must… see…squirrely…boobies…
You know I’m getting mine done – I’ll have to bring the squirrel photo in for reference! LMAO.
See you learn something new every day from RandomEsq. It’s frequently odd and occasionally down right freaky…but it’s knowledge!
GREAT post!
T
May 6th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Haha, Bev already mentioned this little squirrel who used to come to our door at our last house. We’d always give him peanuts when he’d show up. One time I made the mistake of putting the peanut in the palm of my hand and thinking he’d climb up in my hand to grab it. Ummm… apparently squirrel object recognition is teh sucks.
He bit my finger thinking it was a peanut. Then when I started to pull back he latched on with his little squirrel hands and started yanking.
NOOOOOO!!!! GIVES ME MY PEANUTS!
Little jerk.
May 6th, 2008 at 7:53 am
I want to see the evidence of squirell femininity!
May 6th, 2008 at 8:42 am
I think you just need to post the pic with the squirrel knockers.
We’re all perverts
May 8th, 2008 at 12:07 am
LynchSeattle – whoa, did you need to get a shot after being bitten? Or did he need stitches after?
MissMeghan, Tiffany, Heather and Bev – Okay, I will post the picture of the squirrel bazooms tomorrow.