Random Esquire

Do you know how hard it is to climb a tree in the city?

Okay, I didn’t climb a tree. There is one squirrel, in particular, that likes the tree by my patio/balcony. The funny thing is that it has no tail and so it looks somewhat like a rabbit. Plush and I were on the patio about a week ago and I pointed out the crackers I’d left for the tail-less wonder. And sure enough, the little thing came hopping along and she got to see the little beast.

Then, last week, I noticed a smudge of furry brown by the curb. I walked over and, sure enough, it was a flattened squirrel and it sure looked like my patio friend. I sent Plush a text (I resisted the urge to send her a picture mail) and told her that the squirrel was no more.

I left the patio door open today and glanced out to see Little Filthy and the squirrel having a stare-down. They were only about 2 feet from each other. It hadn’t been smooshed after all. I mixed some oats with peanut butter and stuck it on a branch. Happy little thing.

I sent a text message to Plush, “Not to be graphic…but the little squirrel is back and, thanks to the wonders of digital photography, it is now clear that she is a girl. And she has the hugest set of squirrel knockers I’ve ever never seen.”

She wrote back, “You, my dear, may need a hobby…I think your obsession with breasts may have gone too far.”

Edited to Add:  I sent a picture to QTMama so she could see what I was talking about and her response was: “HOLY GOD!  You’re right! Who knew??  Damn.”

I’m telling you people, it’s like… little saline implants.

I won’t be abandoning anonymity in my blog anytime soon. But when, about a month ago, Ms. Cheevious told me she’d be in Chicago and asked if I’d like to meet up for a drink, I decided not to let the opportunity slip by.

Plush and I met Ms. Cheevious and her friend out for dinner and drinks last night at Nacional 27. She is, officially, the first person I’ve met through my blog. I gave her a vague description of myself before heading to the restaurant and then said, “No telling what Plush will be wearing but she has long blonde hair and you won’t miss her.” Sure enough, in her strapless spring dress, Plush was impossible to miss. I told her I’d keep an eye out for the MILF to find her.

I have to say, this was a great experience. Both Ms. Cheevious and her friend were charming as hell. We all indulged in Mojitos and then sat down to a great dinner and sipped an excellent wine chosen by Ms. Cheevious’s foodie friend, who, I’ll add, would be impossible not to like. Best quote of the night occurred when I snapped a picture of Ms. Cheevious and her friend and then handed them the camera to look at the shot. Her friend said, “Hey! Look how good my tits look!” Then she paused and said to Ms. Cheevious, “Oh wait…those are your tits.”

The Seattle clan is next. Prepare to be invaded by Random and Plush.