Random Esquire

Greetings, all. I am currently in Rome and enjoying my second to last night before heading home. Since Austria, I have been in Venice and Florence. Loved Venice. The last week has been full of art and food and tremendous laughter and fun. I convinced myself that I would have to marry a guide from Rome as she was about as charming as one could imagine. Nahhhh, I would not do that. I tossed my coins in Trevi and thought about the cute Ms. Plush in Chicago.

I am going to see the Vatican tomorrow and the Sistine Chapel. It is overdue. And then I will crash out before heading back to the states.

Let’s share a few flaws, shall we?

RandomEsq has taken great pleasure in sharing some of my more desirable traits with the readers of this blog, and I’m not complaining (it’s nice to have someone notice those things, and even more nice to have someone notice these other things too but choose to focus on the good stuff!). But I think it’s time I threw a few curveballs out there, so here are my Top 5 Faults (in no particular order):

1) I am a smoker.
I’ve quit a few times, and I have been intending to quit again for months…but I always figured I’d really quit when my body told me it was time, and frankly, I haven’t felt the climactic moment hit yet. That, and…

2) I have very little willpower.
It’s true – I’m a sucker for Camels, and also for Crunch-flavored Dibs, boxes of Lucky Charms, and various flavors of ice cream. My metabolism is currently doing a weird thing where I don’t gain weight like I probably should, so my candy indulgence is going unchecked for now. But this isn’t just a sweet tooth – I can honestly go into a room with a bowl of M&M’s, tell myself I don’t want them, recognize that I’m not even hungry, and still have to figure out a good explanation for why the M&M’s are all gone half an hour later.

3) I get cranky easily.
RE has mentioned this in a few posts, I believe, commenting on a rather odd preference for cranky women. Thank goodness for that, because seriously, I’m an absolute bitch in the morning unless a few very strict rules are followed. These rules, which generally include things like kissing me until I smile and then demanding absolutely nothing of me for the first hour I’m awake, are subject to change without notice.

4) I’m a quitter.
This one is rather embarrassing, and I didn’t know this until recently, but I’ve come to realize that I am, in fact, a quitter (except, of course, when it comes to Camel Ultra Lights). I never had to practice piano back in the days of piano lessons, I never had to study, and whenever I’ve encountered a situation that requires hard work, I somehow manage to convince myself that it’s just not meant to be. How, you may ask, has a successful and accomplished adult managed to make it through her life thus far when she’s a frickin’ quitter? I’ll get back to you on that one, ’cause I’m not sure how I did it either.

5) I have really calloused feet. Okay, this one’s not as personal and deep as the rest, but honestly, it’s ridiculous. I love to be barefoot and tend to wear nothing but sandals and high heels in the spring, summer, and fall, until my toes are frozen and I admit defeat. But this leads to big callouses, and I have spent most of my adult life battling them with various forms of pumace, harsh scrubs, foot soaks, and lotions. I recently invested in an actual electric pumace thingy, handheld with 3 different attachments (no, it doesn’t vibrate, sadly) and my feet won that fight within 5 minutes. At the moment, however, thanks to 2 hours of work yesterday, my feet are baby butt smooth.

Hello!  Again, please pardon the typing as  I am going as fast as I can.

First – plush, thinking of you and hoping all is well and that you and your family are okay.

I am stying at a little cottage style place in Austria right now.  I hiked over the montains and into Germany this morning all the way to Neuschwanstein castle.  Drove through the Alps yesterday from Switzerland here.  Tomorrow, I take off for Italy and Venice shall be my first stop.  Now I am off to go feed some apples to the cows in the middle of spring green valley in the alps.  It is pretty unbelievable here.  Hope all is well with everyone.

plush – xoxo

-R.

I’m over at a friend’s family’s house, and the rest of the folks here have passed out. I’m somehow still awake, the only one not knocked unconscious by heavy drinking, which is unusual considering my moderately light tolerance…guess I wasn’t trying hard enough. Though spelling is a little difficult…thank goodness bloggers have spellcheck…

So a bit tipsy and sitting outside with a dying fire, I’m feeling introspective (okay, it doesn’t take alcohol and fires to make me introspective, I’m that way normally) and just wanted to put it out there:

Don’t ever take the ones you love for granted.

I don’t just mean that in the idea that you shouldn’t assume they’ll handle things they could do for you, or in any other trivial way. This week has been tough on my friends and family – an alarming number of people have wound up in the hospital or actually died during the past 7 days, and I’m feeling nervous whenever the phone rings right now. Today I got word that a friend’s dad had died, and not only was it unexpected, but the circumstances were just heartbreaking – this friend was out celebrating his bachelor party weekend, and his dad died while swimming in the ocean with his daughter, a 21-year old lifeguard. He was healthy and in decent shape, but the undertow caught him and there was just nothing she could do…

My folks are out of touch right now, up north at our cabin, and I’m going to be on high alert until they call me on Monday to let me know they’re heading home; RandomEsq is somewhere wandering around Europe and I’m going to be checking my email at insanely regular intervals to be sure that no emergency overseas flights are necessary; and my puppy is going to be leashed and watched like a hawk until this passes.

I’m not sure why I’m compelled to post this, as I’m not in need of sympathy or anything for myself. I guess that, in my drunken state, I just wanted to put it out there that life can change in an instant.

I was reading one of the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff books recently, waiting for my highlights to set at the salon, and got caught up by one section in a similar vein. It said that you should always act toward your loved ones as if this might be the last time you’re going to see them – never letting an argument continue out the door, never going to bed angry, never leaving for work without kissing someone goodbye and telling them you love them. I’d already taken that sentiment to heart but now…let’s just say that now, ain’t no way my loved ones are hanging up the phone or leaving for work without hearing just how much I love them. It’s worth every extra second.

Got your attention?

I was hanging out with Benefactor the other night, and he’s reading the new Chuck Palahniuk book: Snuff. I haven’t read any of Palahniuk’s books, despite good intentions (I used to read 3 or 4 books at a time but have been oddly slacking lately…), but I’ve heard stories about his last book causing actual spontaneous vomiting during live readings. I read that particular story, and it was admittedly horrifyingly gross, but I can’t imagine actually throwing up in public just because someone read it out loud. *shrug*

Anyway, this one is supposedly the story of an attempt to break the world record for a gang bang. 600 men, one woman, and a film crew. It’s told from the point of view of 3 of the men (numbers 72, 137, and 600) in graphic detail – supposedly Palahniuk did a lot of field research before writing the book.

The thing about it for me is that I’m kind of jealous. Not of the characters (can you imagine how pulverized you’d be down there after 600…never mind, just UGH), but of the writer. How great must it be to just put it all out there, something so taboo and yet so train-wreck-intriguing, and to be able to do it in such a way that it actually comes off as an intellectual work of art. I’ve written a lot of crazy stuff (I actually used to post regularly on Literotica…) but can’t imagine any of it as a best-seller…

I have managed to sleep off those beers. So, yeah, back to my rather reserved style of posting now. *ahem*

After Paris, I went through the burgundy region of France and did some wine tastings before heading on to Switzerland, where I am now. I keep singing Wunderbar (“Gazing Down from the Junghorn… “) I did the paragliding thing this morning and swung around along the side of mountains, catching updrafts and doing circles along the top of waterfalls. It was truly amazing and I am tempted to do it again. Currently contemplating something called zorbing. Basically, being stuck in a hamster tube and rolled down the mountain. Clearly, more beer will be involved.

I head off to Austria and Germany for a few days next and then will head on to Italy. The French women…ah, they are nniiice. The Swiss….ahhh, nice as well. But I think I left my heart in Paris and declared on day two that I would happily move there. If it possible to regret not being born in a city, I would regret not being born in Paris.

Back out to the valley now to see what other kind of trouble I can stir up.

-R.

<well, I wonät lie…Im a wee bit drunk right now. I am in Switzerland. this morning, i went paragliding through the alps. it was unbelievable. ran off the side of a mountain into the lauterbrunnen valley. wow. too my dunkels. lots of pictures. hope everyone is well.

to the plushie – lots of kisses, babe. little drunky. see you soon trouble and thanks for holding down the fort. xoxo -R.

I reached for my phone this evening to call RandomEsq. Imagine my disappointment when I realized that no one was going to answer.

I don’t remember if there was a specific post about how we met…I think we kind of left it as one of the many mysteries in this anonymous blogosphere. And I think we did that on purpose because honestly, how many people want to admit that they met online? Yeah, yeah, we met online, but not the way you’re thinking – I’ve never even been to Match.com. No, we met because we both have cute little wrinkly dogs, and I was relatively new to the city, so we got together for a drink one night to talk about our cute little wrinkly dogs, and, well – here I am!

That night, by the way, was easily the best date-that-I-wasn’t-sure-was-a-date-until-we-were-making-out I’ve ever had. Just saying.

So speaking of dates, I’m curious about a rather odd trend among my male friends – specifically the shy, kind of awkward but genuinely great guys. The stereotypical “nice guys.” The two I’m thinking of are both very smart, sweet, great listeners, the whole deal, they’re just not so great at the flirting. They’ve had girlfriends, they’ve been in love, they’re not socially inept by any means. But they’re the ones you’d see sitting quietly in the corner of the party, content to watch everyone else get wild and paw at each other while they smile, sip their drink, and kind of wish they had the nerve to jump in.

These are also, apparently, the kind of guys who are invited on all-expenses paid trips overseas to have no-strings-attached sex with women they barely know.

About a year ago, guy #1 and I met for lunch, and he looked unusually giddy. Giddy with a dollop of perplexed. He had met a lovely woman at a friend’s party, and they’d hit it off and had been emailing and talking on the phone regularly. The catch was that she lived in Australia, and was only in town for a few weeks. The perplexed giddiness was that she’d just offered to fly him to Australia for a weekend, get carnal in her beach house, then part ways with no commitments.

About a month ago, guy #2 and I were chatting about relationships, and he mentioned that he’d recently run into a girl he’d known in college. She had the hots for him back then, and was apparently still hoping that they could hook up. However, she lives in northern California, he lives in the Midwest. The solution? They’re spending this weekend in her friend’s penthouse in Dubai. She paid for his ticket.

All I’ve gotta say is, score one for the nice guys.

Hello from Paris.  Quick note as typing is a little different and so I am bound to make mistakes.  Landed yesterdqy morning after sleeping on the plane.  Took an Ambien and know that i ate dinner but do not remember it. That stuff is strong.  Walked all over Paris. May not return. Parents can have LittleFilthy monster. Okay, Im kidding…sort of.

Saw light show at Eiffel Tour last night while on Seine river cruise.  Hope all is well with you all. 

to plush …XOXO.

R.

Well, RandomEsq is somewhere in the air over the Atlantic right now, and that means you’re stuck with me for the next few weeks. I’m going to try to blog daily, but if by some chance I miss a day, I’ll make up for it somehow.

If you have any fun and interesting questions for me, send ‘em along – we can play a little truth or dare.