Random Esquire

Tonight, I went to a fantastic event hosted by a local wine seller who did a food and wine pairing with one of Chicago’s fantastic dining establishments: Sepia. Executive Chef Kendal Duque was on hand to describe each of the fourteen food courses which we tried with any of the eight wines that were poured liberally. Here’s the event room; I was allowed in by an acquaintance before service began.

The first food flight consisted of:

1. Smoked Salmon Salad on Endive Spear (strips of smoked salmon with olive oil, chive, and lemon zest).

2. Pork Rillete on Toasted Baguette (braised pork belly and shoulder blended with pork fat).

3. Steak Tartare (shallot, caper, lemon zest, olive oil, salt, pepper).

4. Marinated Portobello and Red Pepper (roasted mushroom, olive oil, thyme, balsamic).

5. Chilled Pea Soup (fresh green pea puree, onion, chicken stock, and butter).

Other food flights and wine choices after the cut – the food gets far better!

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1. I went to lunch with Instigator today. It’s my Tuesday ritual with my work-girlfriend. I remarked that I welcomed the arrival of short skirts and heels. Instigator politely ignored me. I did not steal anyone’s lunch.

2. Dinner out tonight was great. I threw together a gathering of a bunch of people (who brought more people) and we all went to a French restaurant and indulged in great food, wine, and conversation. Plush, Benefactor, and The Ballerina came. There were ten of us in all and the conversation was lively and fun. Met some really great people. I dig it.

3. The Italian and I have been stretched to the outermost limits of our patience the last few days. I remain convinced that some of my sales people could be cut in two and they would simply re-grow like earthworms.

4. Have you ever taken a sleeping pill?

I know I’m going to hell. Because this story made me laugh. You know, I don’t think it’s my fault. What the hell do people expect with this for a headline: Priest Carried Aloft by Balloons Missing. I mean, come on. It’s actually a sad story. But…seriously, people. A priest was carried off by a bunch of balloons. It wouldn’t be funny if it happened to anyone else. Okay, I take that back – maybe a nun. That might make me grin and then feel shameful afterwards.

But come on, people, that’s the best stuff there is – stuff that make you grin and then feel shameful.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Schadenfreude. It’s not a guilty pleasure anymore.

1.  I can’t tell if I am fascinated or slightly turned off by watching people chew.  I don’t mean watching them eat.  I mean, specifically, watching them chew.   There’s something so… atavistic about it.  I find myself thinking, “There is food in that person’s mouth which is too large for them to swallow, so they are mashing it up in their teeth and soaking it with saliva.”  That’s really just unflattering, for anyone.

2.  Speaking of, it sometimes strikes me as completely absurd that my entire life depends upon me continuing to put things in my mouth and swallowing them.   What the hell?  I’m pretty sure my mother spent the first 5 years of my life preventing me from this very activity.  But now, I’m destined to a life of it, more or less.  It’s a commitment.

3.  Speaking of, have you had a Chloraseptic lozenge lately?  If you have a sore throat or a cough, it feels good for about 5 minutes, max.  Then it just starts to suck but about 90% of the cough drop is left.  Putting one of those things in your mouth is a commitment.  And if you fall asleep with it in your mouth, you wake up in the morning with a numb tongue.

4.   Speaking of, I’m a morning person.  Do you know that most people dislike morning people?  I think it’s envy.  Envy that we wake up like dogs.  3 seconds upon waking, you’d never be able to tell we were asleep.  I wake up and think, “What’s next?”  This isn’t to say that I can’t be talked into staying in a warm bed.  Well, maybe not so much talked as convinced.

5.   Speaking of, Plush will be accompanying me to a small gathering on Thursday night.  She’s quite a peach.

I spent the weekend with my sister and her family out on the east coast.

1. I took my 2 year old niece to “little gym” which is indoor, organized 2 year old playtime with gym equipment – balance beams, parallel bars, a big parachute, balls, etc. We took along my nephew, who was sleeping in the car seat. The teacher said to my niece, “Ohhhh, did you bring someone special with you this week?” Of course, she meant the baby. My niece said, “YES!” and for a brief moment, I thought she was going to point to me. But instead, she said, “Dunkin’ Donuts!” and my sister and I looked down at our hands holding cups of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Guilty.

2. My sister watched the little dude in the waiting room and I went in to run around with my niece. There are a lot of beautiful soccer mom types at little gym. They hop out of their Volvo SUVs, shake their high-lighted hair free of a ponytail and put a kid on their hip and come inside. These women put on lipstick to go to little gym. It’s a beautiful thing. Seriously, if they served drinks, I might spent a Friday night there. Hellooooo, soccah mahm.

3. My brother-in-law was talking about how he ran away as a kid – for a day. I declare this a “long walk” and not officially running away. My sister said, “My kids will never run away.” I said, “What? How do you know that?” She said, “I’m going to show them a video.” I looked at her and said, “What video?” She paused and then said, “Mystic River. I’m going to show them Mystic River and say, ‘That’s what happens to kids who run away.’”

The offensive sense of humor runs in the family, apparently.

1. The Sony World Photography Awards.

2. The Guardian featured a series of portraits of people while alive and then while dead, shortly thereafter. It isn’t quite as gruesome as it sounds.

3. Have you seen Creature Comforts? Basically, they took audio clips of things people said and animated them…Wallace and Grommet style. In this one, they asked people about their self image.

The first 25 seconds of this one (below) makes me grin.

4. I am going out to dinner on Tuesday night to a particular restaurant, specifically to try sweetbreads.

5. There’s a company that makes hidden passageways in your home. Gallery here.

1. I’m a wine amateur but was invited to attend a wine tasting of sorts, hosted by Georg Riedel, maker or Riedel wine glasses.

Basically, we sipped four different wines, each from four different wine glasses to experience how the same wine changed in aroma, texture, and taste based upon the glass used. It was pretty remarkable, I have to say. Now that I have the right glass for any wine, I think it’s time to have some people over.

2. I’m weird about having people over. I can be…very private (duh). It’s just that you can tell exactly who I am and my place is sort of like my insides spread across the loft in the form of the books on my bookshelf and the art hanging on the walls. I don’t really care so much what people think as much as it weirds me to have them know so much about me in one fell swoop.

3. I made stuffed peppers tonight. Before picture. Sausage, tomato, onion, garlic, mushrooms, zucchini. I added rice and a tomato base and stuffed. Now I’m stuffed.

1.  In case you hadn’t heard, I went to the ballet on Sunday.  You know what this means?  It means I r culchurd.  It was good and more meaningful to have gone with someone (The Ballerina) who knows what the heck is going on.  Unfortunately, The Ballerina was seated behind a woman with BIG! HAIR! who unwrapped a lot of candy during the performance… enough that she may have gained a pound during the show.  After the show, we ate ourselves stupid at a fondue place.  The Ballerina had fondue the first time I met her.  In fact, I’m not sure she eats anything other than fondue.  Apparently, ballerinas run on cheese.  Did you know?

2.  I almost just said, “Mmmmm, fondue.” but then I realized that I eat anything and everything so I could have just as easily have said, “Mmmm, food.”   Let’s face it, I could practically say, “Mmmmm, things that fit in my mouth.”  Practically, people.  I said practically.  Don’t get carried away.

3.   In case you missed it, check out Avitania‘s blog about the wild night she and her husband had with Bev and LynchSeattle.  Lots of naked people.  And paint.  I’m not sure Chicago has something like that.  But, if they do, I have a feeling Plush would want to go.

4.  Little Filthy has been trailing me like a bad odor lately.  He won’t let me out of his sight.  I went to get the paper and he barked at me as I locked the door.  When I opened it, he was right there staring at me.  I chased him down the hall and at one point he was at the end of the hall on the rug, looking back at me, butt in the air, ready to bolt in case I gave chase again.  I leaned down and pulled on the end of the hallway rug, pulling him toward me.  You could tell that he had no idea what was going on as the floor seemingly moved below him.  He was afraid to move until he was about 6 inches from me.  Then I growled and grabbed him.  I think he dropped his blob.

5.  I drank about two quarts of lemonade that I thought had a funny taste to it.  But, whatever, I drank it.  I just finished the last of it and realized that the taste is soap. Or cilantro.  Nope, pretty sure it’s soap.

Best if you’ve been out all night:

1. Take a plain bagel and toast it. Even better, grill it.

2. Put cream cheese on one side of the bagel. Cover the cream cheese with bacon bits. No, I’m not kidding.

3. Put butter on the other side of the bagel. Sprinkle liberally with cinnamon.

4. Add slices of apples and cucumber to a side and top with the other side to make a sandwich.

I’m not drunk right now.

I want more lives. With them, I would:

1. Be an Alaskan crab fisherman and smoke and swear all day and talk about getting back to my family and how dangerous my job it. But I won’t care because after 6 weeks of work, I’ll take home 15 grand and that will be enough to make me happy.

2. Be a chef. These people get to scream and yell at work and are still considered professionals. What’s not to like? Plus, I like to eat.

3. Be an undercover agent. CIA, NSA, FBI…whatever. With lots of gadgets.

4. Live on an island. Not entirely Survivor style, but someplace with a lot of abandoned beaches.

5. Be a murder detective. But without all the psychological crap that messes up your head. Oh, and without all the Constitutional restrictions, too.

6. Be a professor. I’m not sure what I’d teach. Maybe Philosophy of Law.

7. Be a cruise ship captain.

8. Be a marine biologist and study great white sharks and explore the ocean.

9. Manage a rock star.

C’mon. I’m not the only one, right? What other lives do you want?