D’oh!
An early morning run to the store was in order to pick my up my proteins for tonight’s dinner. My neighbor laughed at me as I juggled a bag, a baguette and a bunch of fresh tulips and tried to unlock my front door at the same time. I whistled to myself as I put things in the my fridge and then I turned to the bunch of tulips. I looked to the bookshelf for a vase, which is where the vases normally are. Then it occurred to me – What the hell makes me think I own a vase?
I realized then, of course, that when Boss and I split, the vases went with her. I sent her a text message and said, “You didn’t leave a single vase! Mah tulips is dyin’!” I knew she’d laugh at this. She said, “I only took my vases…I can’t help it that you’re a boy!” Well, that’s true. There’s really no help for it.
So the tulips are in a Pilsner glass. Because that’s what women like to see. Flowers in a beer glass. Hey, man, improvisation is key with me.
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Hold on a minute … you’re a man, and you bought flowers for your own place? Trust me, no woman will care what the hell you put them in. You are already leaps and bounds above your peers. Bravo, sir!
April 28th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Wellllllll, that’s not entirely accurate… I bought the flowers because I’m whipping up a dinner tonight for some guests. And, although my date is not a huge fan of flowers, I know most women are so I decided to get some. I wouldn’t ordinarily buy flowers for my place (clearly…or I’d have realized that I don’t own a vase). There went my points!
April 28th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Flowers in a pilsner glass sounds amazing. Flowers next to a full-to-the-brim pilsner glass of Blue Moon (hold the orange, to optimize beer volume) sounds even better.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:43 am
Vittoria – Then come on over because I picked up a six pack of Blue Moon this morning, have oranges in the fridge and pilsner glasses in the freezer.
April 28th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Unofficial buys himself flowers each week. I have yet to receive any from him. Something is seriously wrong with this scenario! haha.
Tulips are great though. Pick up a vase at a cheap little store on your way home… Or… send Fresh Express to do it. Maybe she’s enjoy the challenge… maybe not. haha.
April 28th, 2008 at 11:20 am
SnarkyRunner – Seriously? He buys himself flowers each week? Huh. That’s interesting. But you haven’t received any? Not even like, the week old ones?
Eh, I’m already home so I’m going to stick with the Pilsner. Can you imagine what Fresh Express might come back with if I asked her to get a vase (which I would never do…). It’s as likely that she’d return with a soup bowl as it is a vase.
April 28th, 2008 at 11:20 am
i am so excited about dinner!!! and well played sir, about the flowers. i’ll explain what i mean later.
and you do NOT complain to me about juggling things this morning! i have you beat! i’ll explain what i mean later.
April 28th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I’d be on the next flight if I didn’t have plans that involved REAL champagne this evening.
April 28th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Hello there, THE BALLERINA (aka Janet Reno),
Glad you’re excited! And thanks, on the flowers. Will await further explanation upon your arrival to Chez Random.
Oooo, you’re SASSY today. Okay, will await juggling explanation, as well.
-R.
April 28th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Vittoria – Shot down! We’ll have some boring old flat wine in your absence.
April 28th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Tulips are my absolute favorite flower. I buy them weekly during the season.
But unlike you, I have lots of vases to put them in
April 28th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I love flowers… and tulips are a very nice choice, not too fussy.
I like to cut my stems very short and place them in a wide rimmed glass bowl with a candle in the center. You can put some sliced lemons around the inside of the glass bowl to keep your flower perky. It looks pretty, and doesn’t sit too high so you can have a decent conversation at the table without looking through jungle folliage to see your dinner companions.
Enjoy your dinner with Ms. Reno!
April 28th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
RE – Yes. He goes to Trader Joe’s and picks up a $5 bunch of whatever. It’s kind of cute. Usually he brings me booze. Well, wine. I like wine. I plan on the next time he’s here me having my favorite flowers (Stargazer lilies) on a table and telling him that my ex sent them. HAHA. kidding. But it’s an idea…
April 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Someone needs to send you some flowers darlin’, in a sparkling vase
Then you’ll have one 
April 28th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Ok I’m way past due on a wine binge. Everytime I read this blog I read about it and my mouth waters.
I’m having wine for dinner tonight. Way easier than cooking.
April 28th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
hey, it’s a container and it holds liquids. that’s all you need, man.
April 29th, 2008 at 7:51 am
If it wasn’t for my wife we wouldn’t have anything living besides me and the dogs in this house. I wouldn’t ever buy flowers, but I do pick some up for her as a way to say “I love you”
They do make the house look nice, but it’s just something I wouldn’t do for myself.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:30 am
I love a water pitcher for a vase, in a pinch. Mason jars are cute, too.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am
This story (and your style of storytelling) made me belly laugh.
April 29th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Bev – The city of Chicago plants thousands of tulips in the spring. They line Michigan Avenue. They do kind of brighten a room.
April 29th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Tiffany, whoa whoa whoa – that’s waaaayyyy too complicated for this kid. I’m lucky I got the stems in a beer glass, let alone in some shallow water bath with lemons and candles. heh.
April 29th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Dear Snarky,
You are evil and UO has my sympathies.
Of course, he does get to see your legs so, I guess it’s all even.
-R.
April 29th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Brenda, I can tell you honestly, I’d be stumped if someone sent me flowers. It’d be …disconcerting.
April 29th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
MissMegs – you drunk yet? What kind of wine are you indulging in?
April 29th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
lily – Amen, sister.
April 29th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Lynchseattle – exactly. Not something I’d ever think to do for my..well, my place or myself.
April 30th, 2008 at 6:34 am
Ugh no not yet. I had some wine at my grandparents house last night but I wouldn’t call it indulging. It was some kind of chardonnay… I’m more in the mood for something dry and red though. My grandpa has his own idea of good wine.