1. I can’t tell if I am fascinated or slightly turned off by watching people chew. I don’t mean watching them eat. I mean, specifically, watching them chew. There’s something so… atavistic about it. I find myself thinking, “There is food in that person’s mouth which is too large for them to swallow, so they are mashing it up in their teeth and soaking it with saliva.” That’s really just unflattering, for anyone.
2. Speaking of, it sometimes strikes me as completely absurd that my entire life depends upon me continuing to put things in my mouth and swallowing them. What the hell? I’m pretty sure my mother spent the first 5 years of my life preventing me from this very activity. But now, I’m destined to a life of it, more or less. It’s a commitment.
3. Speaking of, have you had a Chloraseptic lozenge lately? If you have a sore throat or a cough, it feels good for about 5 minutes, max. Then it just starts to suck but about 90% of the cough drop is left. Putting one of those things in your mouth is a commitment. And if you fall asleep with it in your mouth, you wake up in the morning with a numb tongue.
4. Speaking of, I’m a morning person. Do you know that most people dislike morning people? I think it’s envy. Envy that we wake up like dogs. 3 seconds upon waking, you’d never be able to tell we were asleep. I wake up and think, “What’s next?” This isn’t to say that I can’t be talked into staying in a warm bed. Well, maybe not so much talked as convinced.
5. Speaking of, Plush will be accompanying me to a small gathering on Thursday night. She’s quite a peach.
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.