Random Esquire

1.  In case you hadn’t heard, I went to the ballet on Sunday.  You know what this means?  It means I r culchurd.  It was good and more meaningful to have gone with someone (The Ballerina) who knows what the heck is going on.  Unfortunately, The Ballerina was seated behind a woman with BIG! HAIR! who unwrapped a lot of candy during the performance… enough that she may have gained a pound during the show.  After the show, we ate ourselves stupid at a fondue place.  The Ballerina had fondue the first time I met her.  In fact, I’m not sure she eats anything other than fondue.  Apparently, ballerinas run on cheese.  Did you know?

2.  I almost just said, “Mmmmm, fondue.” but then I realized that I eat anything and everything so I could have just as easily have said, “Mmmm, food.”   Let’s face it, I could practically say, “Mmmmm, things that fit in my mouth.”  Practically, people.  I said practically.  Don’t get carried away.

3.   In case you missed it, check out Avitania‘s blog about the wild night she and her husband had with Bev and LynchSeattle.  Lots of naked people.  And paint.  I’m not sure Chicago has something like that.  But, if they do, I have a feeling Plush would want to go.

4.  Little Filthy has been trailing me like a bad odor lately.  He won’t let me out of his sight.  I went to get the paper and he barked at me as I locked the door.  When I opened it, he was right there staring at me.  I chased him down the hall and at one point he was at the end of the hall on the rug, looking back at me, butt in the air, ready to bolt in case I gave chase again.  I leaned down and pulled on the end of the hallway rug, pulling him toward me.  You could tell that he had no idea what was going on as the floor seemingly moved below him.  He was afraid to move until he was about 6 inches from me.  Then I growled and grabbed him.  I think he dropped his blob.

5.  I drank about two quarts of lemonade that I thought had a funny taste to it.  But, whatever, I drank it.  I just finished the last of it and realized that the taste is soap. Or cilantro.  Nope, pretty sure it’s soap.

Best if you’ve been out all night:

1. Take a plain bagel and toast it. Even better, grill it.

2. Put cream cheese on one side of the bagel. Cover the cream cheese with bacon bits. No, I’m not kidding.

3. Put butter on the other side of the bagel. Sprinkle liberally with cinnamon.

4. Add slices of apples and cucumber to a side and top with the other side to make a sandwich.

I’m not drunk right now.