Random Esquire

Weekend events prompted some discussion in my circle of friends on how to treat women. So I’m going to pull a page from my Guide to Women black book and list a few of my personal rules here.

1. If you’re with her, be with her. I don’t just mean that you shouldn’t have a wandering eye (which is insanely disrespectful) but be engaged. Pay attention not just to what she’s saying but to what she wants. Anticipate it and be responsive.

2. Jealousy. Maya Angelou said it best when she said that jealousy is like salt. A little bit enhances the savor but too much is unhealthy. Keep it in check.

3. Simple Sincerity. Sincerity and honesty go hand-in-hand. Women can smell dishonesty and BS a mile away. If jealousy is like salt, insincerity is like poison.

4. “I love you because…” Yes, women want to know that you love them. But they’d rather know why you love them, in particular. I don’t think this should be a revelation to anyone but most women aren’t that concerned about your ability to love. They can figure that out a million different ways on their own. I think women would like to know what it is, specifically, about them that sets them apart from any other woman walking the earth. Tell her why you love her.

5. Quit complaining. If you’re doing something that she enjoys but you don’t, don’t bitch and moan about it. You’ll spoil her enjoyment.

6. Compliments. Don’t ignore the obvious ones and don’t forget the thoughtful ones. If she looks incredible, tell her. Tell her what it is that she does that makes you happy. And if you want to pay the mother of all compliments, tell her a way in which she has changed you for the better. Women love to be the agent of change. Don’t be afraid to 1) make a sincere and thoughtful change and 2) tell her about it.

7. Don’t turn into a jerk around your friends. Really uncool. If you find yourself doing this… you’ll probably be without a girl soon and you should probably find some new friends.

8. Have some respect. She’s her own person with ideas, opinions, thoughts, and feelings. Don’t disrespect them.

9. Don’t have contempt. Don’t express your dissatisfaction with her in the form of contempt. It’s ugly. Learn a new way to tell her if something is bothering you.

10. Be funny and bring money. ‘Nuff said.