Random Esquire

1. I’m having t-shirts made. They say, “MILF Hunter” on the front.  Operators are standing by.

2. I stopped for a bottle of wine on my way home from work. The young woman behind the counter took the bottle from me and then looked at my money on the counter…then back at me. I looked back. She grinned. I was confused. She said slowly, “I’m going to need to see some ID.” What the hell, people?

3. Work has been a pressure cooker the past two weeks. Tonight, however, shall make up for it. I was invited to attend a little soirée of sorts to celebrate a chef who studied under Alain Ducasse – so the food and wine should be excellent. My date and I will be dressed and ready to mingle by 6:30. Bring on the cocktails.

4. Boss and I spoke tonight. She said, “There are too many emotions involved with dating. When we were together, there were only two. Either I wanted to choke you or… you know, I loved you.” With this kind of flattery, I hardly know where to begin.

5. What do these things have in common? Cats. Bread. Tiger. Stairs. Exasperation. Exhaustion. Oh yes, all ways in which women have tried to kill me.