The Quintessential What?
Well, I suppose all of this new traffic warrants some sort of response, huh?
I’ll start by saying that I like and respect SingleMomSeeking (SMS) and Ms. Single Mama (MSM). I think they and their blogs do a great job exploring and discussing the many issues surrounding being a single parent. No doubt, it comes with a host of issues and concerns about which I am ignorant. And I daresay that even their entry about me may foster some great discussion. Having said all that, I don’t think I can really contribute in any meaningful way.
It’s somewhat fun to be thought of as someone who has no difficulty finding a way to spend a Friday night, someone who has no loneliness issues or even someone who can charm a woman with no effort. But the reality is that I struggle with being single, like most people. Long time readers of my blog know that I wrote for years about one woman - Boss, with whom I was very much in love. When we split, I did not write about the months of staying in with Little Filthy and the very difficult realization that my family unit was no longer. It isn’t what I write about. And, as I said in a comment to SingleMomSeeking not very long ago, I made many entries that I wrote about Boss private - not because I wrote about having a broken heart in them but because those entries reminded me that I had one.
Blogs are interesting because they are but a fraction of a person’s life. Mine is no different. And if anything, I’ve now learned that people draw very big assumptions about a person on a whole from that small fraction (and perhaps it would be unfair or even ignorant of me to ask people not to do so with my blog). If I write about the two nights I went out, it may appear that I go out every night…but that wouldn’t be the case. I’ve written about three women: Boss, Plush, and my Neighbor - and I hope I have spoken about those people with the respect and honor they deserve. Some readers have commented about my “phone-date” with Mamaphunk. She and I just spoke on the phone and had a good laugh about this. She is my friend…recently married to a really great guy. We have been missing each other’s phone calls for weeks and so we decided to set a date so we could catch up with each other. That’s it. Not so exciting, huh?
After an evening to sleep on it, I guess I just have to laugh at being thought of as the quintessential bachelor. I’ve no doubt that someone who fits that description would, if he were able to speak comfortably and express himself in a respectful manner, contribute to a really good dialog between readers of MSM’s and SMS’s blog. But at heart,…I’m just not that kid. And yes, you’re probably not going to see that in my blog because I’m not too inclined to wear my heart on my blog lately.
Do I like to write about women? Good God, yes. Women are fantastic. I love everything about them. Am I admittedly sometimes piggish? Yes. I’m just…normal? I guess? I’m learning. I’ve no doubt that part of that learning comes from reading blogs like that of SingleMomSeeking and Ms. Single Mama, which I will continue to do.
So, if you found my blog…that makes me happy.
I hope you stay and read.
I hope you enjoy.
And I hope you laugh.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Great post - I think that reading someone’s blog is always an insight into their hearts and minds, but it is… as you said… just a fraction. It also tends to have its own voice because you write these entries knowing that people will come along. You want them to stay. You want them to laugh. And that voice - that persona - is both you and something else at the same time.
I think it’s always important o realize that when stumbling onto a blog for the first time. If you read my blog you’d think I was a non-stop complainer about technology, but to be honest, I choose to post those thoughts instead of spending time with people in the real world voicing them.
So is it you in here? Parts, for sure. But there are many parts that are a great new character as well that we all come to love and enjoy. You’re not Random Esquire after all, despite all of this. You have a name, an address, you have sad days, and of course happy ones as well. Maybe Random Esquire has none of those things besides some great observations about the things you write about
I like (and can live quite well with) both sides of that coin.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Great post. It’s interesting that people make certain assumptions about a person based on a very small smidgin put out to the general public. It happened the other day on a comment that my husband, lynchseattle, made on one of your posts. Someone assumed he was a bachelor because he made a comment about how he wasn’t a baby person. Big assumption based on a single snippet, I’d say.
You just keep on with yo bad self
If people want to make assumptions about you based on what they read here then they are projecting their own ideas of who you are onto a “persona” if you will. You aren’t defined by what you choose to share here. Those of us who have been around for some time enjoy your blog for what it is - an entertaining glimpse into the life of a random esquire -complete with an awesome dog 
March 25th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
It is obviously entries like this that make women wanna take you off the market.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Y’know, every time I see the phrase “quintessential bachelor,” I mistakenly read “confirmed bachelor” — which, if I’m not mistaken, is old-timey slang for being a gay dude. And then my mental picture of your bachelor pad totally changes. It includes feather boas.
I don’t have anything intelligent to add here that hasn’t already been said. Keep on keepin’ on, chum.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:11 am
I don’t have much to add here. With so much left to the imagination, people tend to fill the empty space with their own ideas about who you are.
I’m happy to read the pieces that you care to share. It’s always a great read!
March 26th, 2008 at 7:27 am
So I read exactly 3 blogs. One is a woman who’s story resonates with me and she is hilarious, I read her blogs for the reason most people read blogs. Second is a woman who I know but no longer have any contact with aside from a holiday card or a chance run in at a party. I find her blogs to be frequently tedious and self indulgent and boring. But yet I keep reading (skimming anyway) and I’ve asked myself why? Why bother? And I think the answer is because she is sooooooo different in real world than in blogosphere that it keeps pulling me back. In her blogs she is prolific. In real life she doesn’t talk much. In blogs she is confident and cocky. In real life she is quite shy. This divergence fascinates me. And in reality, she is probably all of these things and then some. The third blog I read is this one of course. Partly because I know RE but mostly because its highly entertaining. Each of these blogs is like a little piece of perfectly wrapped candy. A guilty, yummy pleasure. So how does real life RE compare with the blogger?? I would say the two are consistent, but the blogs show a different layer of personality. But is what you read here the whole big random picture??? Uh, - NO. To presume that that it is would be naiive. My point here is that when you read blogs you just don’t know - is it real, is it fiction, is it something in between? Who knows. Who cares as long as its fun or interesting or whatever else you are reading it for. To borrow a line from Randy Jackson, yo yo yo - dude - Random, you, just hit that one out of the ballpark!! Rock on.
March 26th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Well I thought it was exciting!!!
We had all sorts of good internet drama to catch up on!
March 26th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Instigator - I think everyone including Random is missing the point here. Please read the comment threads responding to our letter on my blog and on Single Mom Seeking’s blog.
We weren’t raising an issue of Random’s blog. His blog is absolutely amazing. It’s one of my daily guilty pleasures too.
We were asking him a question - asking him a personal question that he has yet to answer. And we can’t blame him because it’s a tough one.
Like it or not, the portion of his life reflected on this blog is that of a dating bachelor. Yes, that’s just a slice of his life, but definitely a slice that personally had an impact on both SMS and I. He peaked our interest and that’s not an easy feat.
So hats off to Random for catching the eye of two hot single moms. But as all single moms (the responsible ones) anyway…we have to ask questions and because we’re bloggers we often choose to share those questions with our readers.
Why? because yes - we were both a bit ticked and perturbed that he’d been flirting with both of us. I guess this is the catch with single moms - we’re definitely not easy - and when it comes to dating we call it like we see it.
Firecrackers anyone? We’ve got ‘em. Oh, yeah, and adorable little kids too. Speaking of, I must stop thinking about this Random fellow and get back to earning my bread.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Ditto on what Instigator says. Everyone just needs to simma down na! (Cheri Oteri-SNL)
March 26th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Well, I wasn’t going to respond too much of this but let me just address something said by Ms. Single Mama…
You said in a comment in your blog: “[Y]es, he was just harmlessly flirting with us and we, for the record, were harmlessly flirting back.”
I don’t get why you’d be ticked to find that I harmlessly flirted with someone else? Because you will be very angry to hear that I harmlessly flirt with Bev. I harmlessly flirt with Avitania. Do you see? That’s just…me, for better or for worse - and I am really bothered by the fact that I ticked and perturbed you both unknowingly when it really is the last thing I’d like to do.
You got this right - you’re both attractive and hell yes, I’d flirt like hell in a bar with you both. (Er, not at the same time, mind you…this may not be helping my cause…) BUT this is what I’ve learned through your help and that of Single Mom Seeking - single mothers may view that harmless flirting differently. I think I’ve owned up to that realization. But please, do me a favor and not attach this cloud of deception or sinister air to the flirting because I’ll say flat out - I’m an idiot flirter who doesn’t think too much of it and now I know better. AND HOW. IN SPADES.
Okay? Can I get off the goddamn couch and can everyone put away their Jung and Freud manuals?
March 26th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Ms Single Mama- with all due respect, don’t you think that asking him a personal question– as you put it, on a very public blog, is a bit contradictory?
March 26th, 2008 at 11:50 am
I’ve been mulling over my response for awhile so you’ll have to bear with me - I hope this makes sense! As someone who has gotten to “know” RE as a friend both from blogging, and on a personal level via lots of phone conversations, I have been following this whole scenario quite closely.
I was a former single mom prior to meeting and marrying “lynchseattle.” I didn’t wear my single-momhood on my sleeve, so to speak, but as with all of you fellow single moms who have posted on here, looking out for your child is of course, your first and foremost responsibility. That being said, I have to wonder where personal responsibility plays into all of this. Sure, it’s fun to flirt and it’s a great ego boost to meet someone who is “into” you (albeit on a one dimensional online level). I also have to wonder how it’s possible to get so invested into someone who has chosen not to share a real name or really much else about their personal lives. I know that conversations go deeper in email etc and that friendships (and even romance) can develop as a result, but at the end of the day, aren’t these just words on a screen?
March 26th, 2008 at 11:52 am
You flirt with Avitania too? Fine! See if I care
/me bitchslaps Avitania
Hussy!
March 26th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
This is almost as good as daytime tv!!!
March 26th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Okay, let’s all take a breather.
I want to help explore issues and be respectful while I’m learning. Let’s pause and take a break and return after these commercial messages.
-R.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Random - do you play Texas Hold ‘Em? If so I would be honored to kick your ass at it someday.
Bev - did anyone say we were invested in Random? That’s new to me. But yes, there are plenty of people who invest themselves in online relationships (hence the success of sites like Match, EHarmony, etc). This new era of interactivity does change the rules.
If these are all just words on a screen than why are all of us having such a reaction to them? Just a thought.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I had drafted a very sincere, warm comment when Random suddenly shut down his comments… and bam, my comment was gone!
Ms. Single Mama and I never had a problem with the fact that Random was flirting with so many women online. Flirt away! Flirting is fun, we agree… We even teased him about the fact that he knows our names and what we look like.
But he won’t reveal his identity. Fair enough, that’s the beauty of blogging.
If he doesn’t want to be viewed as the Quintessential Bachelor here, however, we dared him to show his relationship-side. It’s as simple as that.
We said: You’ve told us that we’re misunderstanding you. Then go ahead, show us another side. We’re looking.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
If he doesn’t want to be viewed as the Quintessential Bachelor here, however, we dared him to show his relationship-side.
I’ve been reading this blog and its past iteration on LJ for quite awhile now, and have read many posts that have shown us the soft, squishy, relationship side of RandomEsq. Every past post detailing even the smallest, day-to-day encounters between RE and Boss were steeped in love and adoration — as well as good ol’ fashioned tail-chasin’ sexual attraction. Those posts sounded like devotion to me. What additional proof of being long-term relationship material does RandomEsquire need to provide?
March 26th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Avitania …
We haven’t been reading his blog forever. We’re single moms. No time to catch up! I didn’t know about these posts…so case closed: Random Esq = relationship qualified. Ready or not. That’s up to him, timing and a little bit of fate.
To answer your question though…we don’t need proof. This is not an inquisition. Some background for you. Some enlightenment, if may on the people who posed this question…you all know about Random Esq, but you don’t know us. We are single moms. And Random may not represent a bachelor to you all but we definitely represent single moms. We are much, much more than that -obviously- but in this world we are writing our hearts out every day trying to figure this stuff out.
Single Mom Seeking (Rachel) has been a single mom for seven years (right Rachel?). She has also authored an entire book on the subject. Between the two of us we have met and been with a handful of jerks, a handful of players, and a handful of men who have broken our hearts.
We have also broken many men’s hearts by turning them away quickly, or blocking them from reaching us emotionally for fear of getting hurt.
I hear stories like Lynch and Bev’s and it makes me so happy. You can tell they’re really, truly in love. Awesome! So anyway…
When a single man tells us he wants to have a family (whether it be in the bar or online) we always, always pose the same question, “oh really? Are you serious or are you just saying that?”
It’s a natural question for every single mom. We chose to share it with our readers, perhaps at the expense of Random Esq. I apologize for that. But try to find one comment from a single mom who disagrees. Could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure they all understand completely. And if they get a smile out of it then my job here is done.
This is not a question of his character. We know he loved Boss. So we know he’s mentioned love on his blog. And love = family. But could he really date a single mom? That’s all we were asking.
Don’t worry I’ve seen many a grown man pale when posed this question in the flesh. Can’t imagine if it came at him on two blogs at once! Sorry about that. I thought it was kind of funny.
And that’s where I will officially sign out of this discussion.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Avitania, Bev, Miss Megs… you have inspired me to go back and read Random’s past posts. I started doing so a few nights ago — when is his book is coming out? I’m serious.
Both Ms. Single Mama and I have told him that he’s a superb writer. As she pointed out, our time is very limited, but we have invested quite a bit of it in Him. We thought the attention would flatter him…apparently not.
Ms. Single Mama and I live for real, honest conversation. That’s why we ask lots of questions on our blogs. It’s not just about US. We hope that our children grow up to speak their minds, too.
Anyway, I’ll sign off by saying that I’m just back from an intense kick boxing class… and it’s way past the kid’s bedtime. Best to all of you.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:04 am
Dude, what happened here?
Can open, worms everywhere.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:05 am
How ’bout them apples?
March 28th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
I thought the questions that Single Mom Seeking and Ms.Single Mama posed were very interesting and made me look forward to the discussion. I like blogs who do just that, that is why I read their blogs and why I began to get inspired to write one of my own. At the same time it does scare me a bit (which is why I haven’t gotten my blog up just yet), that people read too much into something; or like Single Mom Seeking has addressed in her blog people come along and are too harsh and you have to be thick skin sometimes. In the end like Instigator states blogs just have to be fun for the person reading them.
As a single mom though this is how I SEE it (I might be wrong) I totally agree with Ms.Single Mama about questioning men who come along and make comments like that specially if they are single with no kids……..because we as single moms are more realistic and know some men might just say that but not mean it (so we just quesiton not to be mean spirited it but because it was a good opportunity since RE is a blogger and it could provide some insight and discussion?)
I like your blog and it has made me crack up when I am at work….it reminds me of the Office and my workplace in a weird way lol I am glad Ms.Single Moma put a link on her blog or else I would not have enjoyed it.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Hi, LadyFox,
I can appreciate the impression it must leave on a single mother to hear a man say he wants a family while he appears to do things contrary to that.
I don’t think I can provide insight into that man, though - the reality is that 90% of my blog was written while committed to someone. I’ve only recently become single. However, I agree that it would be a good opportunity for some single men to speak up on why they might tell this to a single mother if they don’t mean it.
Your comments mean a lot to me and I appreciate that you took the time to write them out; it makes me happy that you’ve enjoyed my blog. Ms. Single Mama is indeed a special woman and I’m glad she led you here.
-R.