*Groan*
I am not a clumsy person. (Boss is incredibly clumsy…in fact, I am honestly surprised when she makes it from one room to the next without tripping.) I don’t spill. I don’t knock things over. I don’t bump into things. And…up until today, I could have said that I honestly do not remember the last time I fell.
But since it was just about an hour ago, it’s pretty fresh in my memory. Here’s what happened. I was heading downstairs through the back way of my condo building. The back way, which is for pets, has…cement stairs. I glanced at my phone and saw an e-mail from SingleMomSeeking about blogging. I opened up the e-mail and started to read just as my heel missed the first step down on a flight and…down I went. I had that brief thought of, “You must be fucking kidding me. I don’t fall.” The cement stairs, they beg to differ. I reached out and grabbed the metal rail and jerked to a stop.
I lay there for a moment and then thought, “Eh, not so bad.” One leg hurt more than the other. I stood up and walked it off. Then I went back upstairs. Boss was over and I said to her, “I just pulled a you.” She said, “What?!” I pulled up my jeans and took off my shoe. Long story short, my knuckles are banged up, my knee has a hole in it and my foot looks like someone dropped a 20 pound weight on it …and everything was bleeding. Nice. Throughout it all, I kept a death-grip on my phone. That can’t be healthy.
There were flashbacks to the time I got my arm mangled in the parking gate and ended up with a hole in my arm. You know, really, it hurt, but it was somewhat exhilarating. Which must be exactly why people like Steve O get addicted to their own stupidity.
I just looked out the loft window to the balcony and thought, “I bet I could jump to that tree easily and make it down.”
Share This
Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
March 17th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Well, I will have you know while you were falling today Mister Random, I was spending the day at the hospital because my son decided to stick a popcorn kernal in his ear. Six years old. No terrible twos’ excuse is warranted here.
So while boys/men in general may not be clumsy. You get ideas and somewhere in your head you think it is okay to go with ‘em. Like for instance ‘I could make it if I jumped over the balcony, over the tree and skated our little skateboard down the rail’ = 10 minutes later LOTS of pain, scraped elbows, and bloody broken teeth from biting the concrete. Now time to go to the dentist. AND/OR
‘Hmmm, wonder what’ll happen if I stick this popcorn kernal in my ear’ = one trip to the ER on a BUSY Saturday night, hour of digging, sent home with said kernal still in place, Monday morning trip to primary care doctor, referred out to Ears Nose and Throat Clinic, three people holding down 6 year old screaming culprit, 8 hour wait for breakfast poptart to be digested, some general anesthesia and 10 minutes in O.R. …… Voila!
Where do y’all come up with these ideas?!?!!!!!
March 17th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I don’t know. TV?
How about my first thought when you mentioned the popcorn kernel in his ear was that I wanted to take a crack at getting it out with a toothpick and some superglue?
March 17th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Ouch! Sorry!
March 17th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Haha, I am surprised that was one route we didn’t go..now I am wondering. My husband did try sucking it out with a straw, ewwww, then he tried the vacuum.
Needless to say, all of our efforts didn’t work.
REALLY, its not TV, I have come to realize that y’all have voices in your head that tell you to do it!
March 17th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Ouch. That’s gotta hurt. Sorry!
March 17th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Thanks - but truly, I’m not in any pain. Walk it off, soldier! Walk it off!
March 17th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Good for you for saving the phone
I saw your Twitter earlier and, of course, thought you were joking about something. Until I saw the part about blood and bruising. Ouch!
March 17th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Bev - I twit the twuth. I wish I had been kidding but this kind of shame doesn’t need embellishment.
March 17th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Well, think of it this way — at least you weren’t playing inside a dryer when someone turned it on.
Glad you’re okay, and that you saved the phone — sounds like something I would have done. Heh. BTW - are you still using the Treo?
March 17th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Avitania - Very true! Yes, using a Treo. I AM NOT A LUDDITE.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:54 am
I had to hold my breath while reading this. I thought, Please, please, nothing is broken, right? I feel bad enough as it is. I mean, what if my email address was something closer to “Hot Mama”… instead of “Single Mom Seeking.”
I sure hope that Plush is giving you lots of TLC right now.
You know that I’d be right there with the ice packs and Neosporin. That’s what a mother does.
March 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Don’t jump.
I have to echo SingleMomSeeking, nothing’s broken, right? Because if it is, I’ll be on my way to the hospital with flowers and Jamba. And you know I think flowers are ridiculous.
Hell, even if it isn’t broken, I’m bringing you flowers and Jamba.
March 18th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
SingleMomSeeking - Nothing broken….yet.
See, I read your blog entry where you referenced my post…and I somehow missed the quotation marks and read, “through the back way of my condo building” and thought you were saying that I fell while leaving /your/ condo building. And I thought, “Well, that’s it. The Biologist is going to kill me.” This, together with your obvious tactic to have me fall down an elevator shaft, had convinced me further that you wish to have me dead. Or, at the very least, suffering from a bad case of poison oak.
Ice packs and Neosporin would be good. Along with not trying to kill me.
March 18th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Plush - Nothing broken but you’ll wince when you see the pool of blood that has pooled below my skin and decided to creep down my leg. It’s…fantastic in its own way.