I do not like cats.
Whenever I mention that I do not like cats, someone will say, “You’d like my cat.” No, seriously, I probably won’t.
I know that part of this is because a) I’ve never had a cat, b) I’m allergic to them, and c) I don’t know if they have a point. If I was not allergic, it is possible that I might have learned to like them but I was pretty sure I did not like them before I ever found out I was allergic. This happened when I went to a date’s home and she had a cat. When I left a few hours later, I had to pull over on the side of the road to get ill.
Then I dated a woman who had two cats, both of the incredibly, wildly hairy type – what’s that called? Maine coon? Something like that. One was named Baby Boy and the other was Finnegan, which she called Finneh. I saw one of them do something near indescribable to a wall in the house and that convinced me that cats are still wild animals.
Yesterday, I was on the phone with an ex (not Boss) who was trying to coax a cat out from under her car. She said, “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…” and she made kissy noises. I said, “Does that work? Do they respond to that? Actually, do they respond to anything?” She said, “YES. I think people just do it all the time so they learn to respond to it.” I said, “They learn?!”
I’m not entirely opposed to cats. I might get a cat someday. Yes, that’s possible. In fact, the first time I see a cat lead a blind man down the street, I will get one.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
March 16th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Cats are ok. I had a cat named Roscoe Leoni (he was Italian), who was more doggish than cattish. Chris is allergic and also hates cats so I doubt we’ll ever get one.
March 16th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Bev – Roscoe Leoni is a good name.
Chris and I see eye to eye on the cat thing. Right on, brother!
March 16th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
OK. I think you knew you were going to hit a sore spot for me with this post seeing as I have my cat, Simon! haha.
Simon HAS in fact turned cat haters into likers. He’s a fun orange cat much like a puppy. He follows you around everywhere. Makes noises when he wants something. When you’re asleep, he wakes you up when he’s bored (like a dog). He’s funny. He definitely has learned how to do some things that he didn’t know before I had him.
Aren’t there pills or a shot you can take to not be allergic?
March 16th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I don’t understand cats. Cats are complicated. The thing about cats is that you constantly have to earn their affection. I have enough problems managing my human relationships in this manner; I do not need it from an animal!
March 16th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Cats….ugh. Not for me at all. I am a dog kinda girl. I have two miniature horses, ummm I mean dogs. Great Danes. Now tell me, how can you go from Great Danes and deal with a cat, no thank you.
March 16th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
SnarkyRunner – Oops, that’s right! Well, if Simon is like a dog, then I already like him more than other cats.
I actually went on a asthma drug for a while when I dated the girl with cats. I needed it – those cats were EVERYWHERE.
March 16th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Avitania –
“The thing about cats is that you constantly have to earn their affection.”
I think you just described some women I’ve dated.
March 16th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Just Kelli – Amen to dogs. And your dogs might eat a cat.
March 16th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’ve got no use for cats, so I would be the one person in the crowd throwing you a high-five for your cat dissin’ candor. My dislike is a general one, although on a more detailed level…their ears freak me out. I have a serious phobia about cat ears. Clearly, I need help.
March 16th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I’m not a cat fan. They’re either too needy or too bitchy. They never seem to die of natural causes, they always meet some unpleasant demise. The last three cat deaths in my circle of friends were caused by car, dryer, and coyote.
March 16th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Sande – I won’t sugarcoat it for you. Yes, that’s weird. Amusing, but weird.
What is it about them that wigs you out?
March 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Krystie Lee –
“They’re either too needy or too bitchy.”
You and Avitania are seriously describing women I’ve dated before.
Hamsters never die of natural causes. I hadn’t realized cats shared this unpleasantness. The car I get, but…
DRYER? COYOTE?
March 16th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I understand the Coyote demise. There are a ton of those f-ers in MA and cats ALWAYS go missing if they are indoor-outdoor cats because those monsters eat them. It’s sad. The dryer thing is really scary though…
March 16th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Here’s the thing about cats:
I have a dog, she’s a bipolar puggle who is simultaneously sweet and a wiggling bundle of terror. She weighs in at 20lbs.
Before her, my family always had Golden Retrievers. Gentle, soft family dogs that you could leave alone with a new born baby and not worry one instant for the child’s safety. They were never bigger than 45lbs.
My parents also have a cat. He was an impulse buy. My little sister’s first cat passed away suddenly and in a rush of panic and confusion over his daughter’s tears, my dad rushed out to the vet and picked up a kitten. In his rush, it never occurred to him that his little girl was two years way from college. My sister moved out 6 years ago, never to return, and my parents have had this asshole stalking their house like a ninja ever since. He’s probably about 12lbs, it’s hard to say we see him so rarely.
Here’s what experience has taught me. If I woke up this morning and my puggle had suddenly grown up to 200lbs, she’d still be cool. Basically a hyperactive Great Dane with dental problems. If I went over to my parents house and their Golden Retriever puppy was the size of a Shetland Pony, she would probably be giving rides to the neighborhood kids.
But if I went over there today, and by some freak Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-esque nuclear accident my parent’s cat was suddenly a quarter ton of hair and teeth, well my father and I would have to hunt it floor to floor with makeshift spears like Lord of the Fucking Flies. I have no doubt that despite years of peaceful cohabitation it would consume us like a chicken dinner the first time its belly rumbled. Does anyone remember what happened to Roy?
200lb Dogs are called Mastiffs and they are sweet and affectionate and loyal. 200lb cats are called Mountain Lions and they kill yuppies on bike paths in So Cal and maim people in hilarious YouTube Videos.
So I guess I’m more of a Dog person too.
March 16th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Benefactor – I don’t know. I’m getting a slight cat vibe from you.
March 16th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
laughing at benefactor’s last paragraph, funny
The dryer incident was very sad. That dumb cat liked to hide/hang out in the dryer, eventually her luck run out. My friend was very traumatized by the discovery.
As for the coyote, that was my husband’s cat, but was living with my in-laws. They found only signs of a struggle and fur tufts.
March 16th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
I don’t even know what to say about the whole dryer incident except that I’m glad I didn’t do it.
March 17th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Benefactor, I’m having laughing fits over here reading that!! Frickin’ hilarious.
Krystie, that is SO sad!! I would definitely be traumatized for life if I opened the dryer and Simon was in there.
Coyotes suck! They are even brave enough to attack people here now. Hey, aren’t THOSE part of the canine family?! HMMMMMMM?
March 17th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Ugh cats… Im allergic too but they’re lame regardless. My grandma’s cat chased me down a hallway and jumped on my back with all four claws when I was like 8. I had 4 little bloody claw holes on each corner of my back and to be honest it was kinda traumatizing. Im not into random attack animals (ie birds and cats). At least if a dog is going to bite you they growl first for fair warning!
March 17th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Hi, MissMegs – Good God, I can see why that might be traumatizing.
Unfortunately, Little Filthy gives no warning before licking.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:23 am
(thx to avitania, i read everyone’s blogs now)…
i don’t get the cat thing either. i’m allergic as well and quite frankly, i’m not down w/ a creature that craps in a box and then hops up on your kitchen counter right afterwards. at least w/ my dog, he gets a good all-over wipe down before coming back into the house.
that being said, little filthy is suuuper cute.
March 18th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
You know for all your cat haters ….I mean dog lovers the cats I have had did not eat their poop. That is all I am saying.:)
March 18th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Hi, Lily – You pinpointed one of my issues. The box and the kitchen counter thing. Not cool, dude. Not Cool.
And thank you for the nice words about Little Filthy. Shame he’s a monster.
March 18th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Ladyfox – I can’t argue with that. Little Filthy has engaged on coprophagia, I am ashamed to report. Hence…his name.
March 19th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Heh! I love Benefactors last paragraph.
I get the SAME reaction when I say I don’t like cats. I’m allergic as well, so they don’t get any love. If we go to someone’s house I avoid the cat like plague, but it’s never enough. By the time I leave I’m always sneezing with a breakout of rashes. Heh.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:46 am
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