Stealing is wrong. Even if it’s funny. Right?
Instigator sent me an instant message at work today that said, “Are you taking me to lunch?!” I patted my pockets for money and then went to get her.
We ate in a cafe, surrounded with business people sitting down to their lunch. I watched over Instigator’s shoulder as a guy put down a tray, sandwich, salad and soda ready for consumption. He glanced around and I could tell he was looking for where to get some silverware. He got up to get some and then paused and looked back at his stuff, sitting alone at the table, clearly debating if he should walk away from it. He opted to walk away.
At that exact moment, I wanted to dash over and steal his sandwich.
I know this is wrong. I had already eaten my lunch. But it’s the kind of absurd thing that might strike me as funny – to see him come back and stare in disbelief at his plate. And I, of course, would sit at the nearby table and eat his sandwich, watching him.
I relayed this thought to Instigator. Mid-story, I watched a woman walk by, behind Instigator. Instigator looked at me, as if to say, “What?” I said, “Sorry, that woman…she walked by…her blouse was too tight and the buttons were..like stretching….”
Instigator stared at me. I could tell she was wondering why she’d mentioned lunch.
She said, “That is not attractive. You don’t think that’s attractive, do you?”
I said, “Uh…um…it’s not fashionable. I know that.”
She sighed.
I’m a sin to tolerate.
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Just a random attorney writing about daily life with Little Filthy, my rotten dog.
March 11th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
For some reason, this reminded me of another restaurant situation. We went to dinner at Red Robin and as we were finishing dinner, the people in the table across from us were also leaving. Well, they ended up seating a couple of guys at the table before they cleared it. The previous people had left a stack of onion rings on the table, pretty much untouched. So get this – the new people at the table start eating the leftover onion rings!!! Ewww! We were so disgusted that we paid Cole $1.00 to run over to the table on our way out with a note that said, “Just so you know, I spit on those onion rings.”
Long story short – you never know who’s watching you at a restaurant!
You should have taken his sandwich
March 12th, 2008 at 6:08 am
The taking the sandwich idea would have totally crossed my mind as well. Of course, I’ve done the same thing as the guy. Being in total pain knowing if I should trust others not to take my nummy food while I get something. I know his pain. But taking the sandwich still would have been funny.
March 12th, 2008 at 6:22 am
Hey there, Bev – I’d like to hire Cole for some random jobs. Does he just spit on food or can he be persuaded to spit on other things?
March 12th, 2008 at 6:22 am
Hi, Lynchseattle – We’d probably both just steal each other’s sandwich and neither end up eating what we’d like.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Heh, he doesn’t actually “do” the spitting, only leaves the note
We just couldn’t believe that these people were eating crap that people had left and wanted them to know they had been “caught.”
Bet they’ll never do it again!
March 12th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Now I KNOW you and I would be friends in real life!! I love it!
-BS
March 12th, 2008 at 8:39 am
SO funny!
March 12th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Hi, Bev – how much would it cost me for the actual spitting?
March 12th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Well, since this was a few years ago, I’m guessing the rate is probably between $5-$10 now for the ACTUAL spitting. Plus the plane ticket to Chicago. And pizza. You might fare better with a local spitter.
March 12th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I was at a baseball game with Synthetik and his father, and we were just about to get our seats. I was carrying a large tray of french fries, and as I was stepping over people — STRANGERS! — to get to my seat, this random guy takes a fry off my tray and eats it.
I leaned in really close and whispered, “I have a scorching case of herpes.”
The look on his face was priceless.
I really don’t have herpes, but NO ONE MESSES WITH MY FRENCH FRIES.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
avitania – I would have LOVED to have seen that. Who the HELL grabs someone else’s fries! He would have lost a finger. Or two.
March 12th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Hi, SnarkyRunner – I’ve no doubt – we could steal sandwiches together.
March 12th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Avitania – Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stealing fries is like….well, I don’t even know where to begin with how wrong it is.
Fries + the herp = Invisi-shield.
March 12th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Hi there, Ms. Single Mama. You know I just like to entertain you.