Random Esquire

1.  My television has shipped.  I’m ashamed of how much joy this brings me.

2.  The computer is being built.  Ditto on the shame.

3.  CBS 48 Hours called me to interview me about an old co-worker.  An old co-worker who killed two people and tried to arrange to have a witness (who testified against him at trial)  murdered while he sat in jail.  I think I’ll pass on the interview.

4.   I’m feeling very mischievous lately.

5.  Little Filthy got two spoonfuls of blueberry yogurt as a special treat tonight.  He has re-gifted.

6.  I lied about the shame.

I’ve decided to treat myself to a few things in the next few weeks.

1.  A new, massive computer, specs not yet decided.
2.  A 22″ LCD monitor. (Truth is…I bought it yesterday and it is great.)

3.  A new LCD HDTV for the bedroom.

Christmas in February.

1. Shamrock Shake hymen = broken. (See my updated slang here. Number 2.) I blame a co-worker who suggested we indulge. Sometimes it is less than a great idea for me to try something new because I have one of those personality types. I will eat the same thing repeatedly until the mere sight of it makes me ill. That’s how I roll.

2. The other day, I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom and Little Filthy sat at my feet and cried. Then I got into the shower and Little Filthy stood outside the tub. And cried. I got out and looked at him and he whimpered. Then I realized that I’d somehow put his toy into the hamper and he could see it through the holes. Oops.

3. I know this shouldn’t make me laugh but…schadenfreude can’t be helped. Here’s this violin dude who just flat out trips and breaks his million dollar violin. Isn’t that something your 8 year old would do - trip and break his violin? What I like is how msnbc.com makes a point of letting you know that the violinist is a former model. It has a very subtle undertone of, “this explains it.”

4. Stuff White People Like. (I hope P.F. Chang’s is listed somewhere…)

I have not died. I went to Las Vegas. I brought a girl (surprise…surprise…). (Yes, I brought a girl to a buddy trip to Vegas…so sue me!) Fun times were not had because I (and subsequently, the girl) was sick. Very sick. I went to the doctor’s office today. Long overdue. The first thing I noticed was the receptionist. She had long, blonde hair and was pretty. Then I noticed a nurse walk by the desk. Shorter, blonde hair…also very pretty. And another woman walked into a room (she looked Indian) and she was striking, too. I felt like I walked onto to the set of an adult movie. I was called into my exam room and a nurse came to check my vitals, etc. Yes, she was cute, too. It was almost ridiculous. Then, and this is really the best, I waited for the doctor.

And in she came.

And she was like heaven in heels. I kid you not, she was a complete knock out with long, dark hair, coffee and cream skin. I actually had to stop myself from laughing out loud at the situation. Exam away, doc. She said, “Stick out your tongue.” I was just about to do it but then I realized that I’d been sucking on any kind of cough drop I could get my hands on for the last 5 days and this does some jacked up stuff to one’s tongue. I said, “I warn you…I have cough drop tongue.” She grinned and said, “I won’t care.” I stuck out my tongue and she peered. She nodded and leaned back, looked at me and said, “Green cough drops? Where’d you get those?” I said, “Anywhere I could find them.”

I’m a little bothered now only because I don’t think I’ve had anything but red, white, or yellow cough drops in the last 24 hours…but, oh well.

She peered into my ears and with little ceremony, pulled my shirt out of my pants and stuck the stethoscope on my back and instructed me to take deep breaths. She paused as she moved it around and then looked at me and said, “You have pneumonia.”

And then she quickly followed with a question about…my work. She said, “You work for XXX, right?” I’m sure I looked surprised. But I realized I was wearing my badge on my belt and she must have seen it. I said that yes, I do. She then asked me a ton of questions but I was little help. She asked me what I did for XXX and I told her. She said, “Well, no talking or arguing for you today…or tomorrow. Just get some rest, lay in bed and do as you’re told.”

Seriously, screw the $50 co-pay. I’m never going to my regular doctor again.

So yeah, home and in recovery mode.