Random Esquire

I admit to being a bit fascinated with how people spend their morning prior to coming to work.  This is because most people have a definitive morning routine, some down to a precise showering process.  My typical morning process is a bit up in the air currently as I am trying to hit the gym first and the shower second – as opposed to my previous routine of showering first and skipping the gym altogether.

However, even on the mornings I hit the gym, I have a basic routine.  I’m in the shower between 6:45 and 6:50, done by 7 so that I can catch the beginning of the Today show.  Admittedly, this is sometimes done from the shower as I look out from the shower, through the open bathroom door at the bedroom television.  This is not so much a function of my immodesty as it is utilitarian – by leaving the door open, the mirror won’t be steamy when Boss comes in to put on makeup.

After that, my routine sort of goes to hell.  I used to be like clockwork but that was when I lived alone.  Now I dance around the morning demands of a kindergarten teacher who inevitably forgets something and runs around a bit crazed.  This goes on until about 7:30 when Boss heads out the door into the hallway, at which point she turns around and leans in to give me a kiss goodbye.  More often than not, I am standing in the doorway in just my underwear.  I don’t like to put my clothes on right away because my damn shirt will get wrinkled.  At some point, coffee has been made and I grab a cup and then get myself ready for work.  Then I check the thermostat, pet Little Filthy until he grunts his satisfaction, and flip off all of the lights and make my way to work.

So!  I’m curious.  What’s your  morning routine? Do you even have a shower routine?

1. Babies are made out of food. I know they don’t come out with a turkey leg and a carrot arm. It’s just that it sometimes strikes me that:

Woman + one sperm + food = baby. What the hell?

2. No one ever says “What?” in books. A book can be totally realistic and still nobody says, “What did you just say? No, before that. No, after that…what did you say?” That bothers me.

3. In books, there are never two people with the same name. I know no less than 3 Roberts and yet, in books, there’s always only one of each name. Only one Robert. That bothers me, too.