Random Esquire

I mentioned in an earlier entry that I’ve hired a personal trainer. This is to motivate me to get in great shape and that is motivated by my desire to not collapse and die on the side of a mountain in Vietnam. Boss spends her days running after 5 year olds and has legs I could pick my teeth with. I, however, sit at a desk and mostly curse under my breath at sales people. You might be surprised how few calories this actually burns. Though, perhaps I’m doing it incorrectly. Anyway, I want to climb Kilimanjaro on one deep breath so, a trainer it is.

Upon meeting said trainer (whose name, while deceptively sounding like Dwayne, is actually De-Wayne) and yours truly being placed on a high-protein, eat 6 times a day diet, we had a question and answer period that went something like this:

De-Wayne: How long have you been a club member?

R.Esq: About a year? I don’t know.

De-Wayne: And what kind of improvement have you seen in that year?

R.Esq: None.

De-Wayne: None?!

R.Esq: That’s right. I haven’t been going. That’s why I’m here with you. Hey, can I drink coffee on this food plan?

De-Wayne: Now look, would you drink coffee if I told you it was poison?

R.Esq: Well, no. Of course, I wouldn’t eat broccoli if you told me it was poison, either.

De-Wayne: Broccoli isn’t poison. But coffee is bad for you.

Hmm. I sort of hate him already. What kind of person does not drink coffee?

I am, however, going to adopt his faulty reasoning by declaring everything I dislike as poison.

Higher cost of living? Poison.

Overcooked red meat? Poison.

Sales people? Poison.