Random Esquire

Mental Floss had an interesting story and link to a blog in which the author ate foods based upon their color - One color for each day, for seven days. Pictures of what she ate are here. I could have helped her out by allowing her to follow Boss who, in a past phase, ate only white things. This is a sharp contract to myself as I like to eat as many colors as possible. Eating only one color is…well, one might say it’s boring. I might say it’s autistic.

Again, it occurs to me that I am offensive while meaning to be sincere. Not that they are mutually exclusive. I suppose perhaps I am sincerely offensive. Which reminds me of when I told Boss that “Nothing is sadder than a fat girl getting her nails done.” I must take that back. I’ve decided that nothing is sadder than a fat girl shoe shopping. It came to me last night and I got the same melancholy feeling. Yes, perhaps I am just sincerely offensive.

I stepped out of the office this afternoon to pick up some fresh vegetables at one of the farmer’s markets downtown. I picked up baby squash, in green, yellow and some that were half green, half yellow. Then fingerling potatoes in yellow, red and blue. Some wild cherry tomatoes, green beans, a baguette and some lemon cucumbers. Boss and I sat down with a Moscato d’Asti and spread a nice d’affinois on the baguette before feasting on vegetables and a sun dried tomato and chicken sausage.*

*I ate the sausage. Boss didn’t…which you probably already guessed.

One of the benefits of WordPress is that you can see how some people stumble across your blog. Today, someone found my blog by using a search engine. What were their search terms?

“Men like whores in the bedroom”

I’m not really sure what I think of that.

What’d your grandfather do for a living?

I just learned how to imbed YouTube videos. Prepare to be abused.

I’ve had a pounding headache all day that I can’t seem to shake, no matter how many Advil I take. Must be a hangover from the party Little Filthy threw last night. Here’s a picture of him laughing at one of my jokes. We better clean up before Boss gets home.

Edited to add: Little Filthy Dinner:

Ever since finding this forum post which I wrote about here, I’ve been a bit fascinated by this website monsterfishkeepers.com. I wonder if that’s just some made up name or if “Monster Fish” is some sort of term-of-art. Would my local fish tank guy think I was nuts if I said, “Yeah, I’m here for some monster fish”?

“My puranha are pussies!!! helps!!!” I suppose if you buy a piranha, you might like to see it tear open some flesh. This guy is clearly disappointed that his fish are the lesser known sub-species, pussy puranha.

This stingray is out of the movie Alien. This catfish must be hundreds of pounds. You’d have to noodle with your head to get that thing.

Since you can clearly read, it is quite possible you may not have heard of “Noodling.” Noodling is when some guy goes into the water and sticks his hand in all manner of dark places where he thinks a catfish might be lurking. The catfish basically bites or swallows the dude’s hand and he yanks out the fish. I am assuming it is a guy for the same reason that women do not find it a worthwhile activity to roll down the window, hollar and peel out.

Here are two great Noodling videos:

Noodling video: complete with guys screaming in pain.

Noodling Porn. I stand corrected on the female noodlers. This is like…backwoods porn. It includes female noodlers, *cartoon* noodling, and an original song out how the law doesn’t understand catfish-grabbin’. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

What I like about finding this forum is that it is a completely different world to me. Someone posts a picture of some ridiculously huge fish and the first thing someone responds is, “Yo, how much?” I love it.

Boss is out of town this weekend, leaving Little Filthy and me to do nothing but eat steak and watch dude movies. I have here: Apocalypto, 300 and 23. I see that movies have been so overdone that we’re now just numbering them. A quick search on imdb.com shows that there’s been a movie with the title of each number from 1 through 9, except 6.  Which just goes to prove that the number 6 truly sucks.

Anyway, Little Filthy and I just watched 300. We were not impressed. This thing is just barely a dude movie. First, it was mostly half naked guys and only two women. That might have disqualified it entirely were it not for the fact that both women showed their nipples. This does more than just shoehorn a movie into viewable, it whisks it in entirely.

Lest you think I’m a complete pig, Boss and I just watched Terms of Endearment this week. We spent much of the time saying, “Wow, look at how young so-and-so looks.” I am pleased to report that Shirley MacLaine did not show her nipples.

More pho, please.

Boss is a germ phobe. Her classroom is about 120 rooms old. Those are some old, tried and true germs. Today, she decided to pack up cleaning supplies and declare war on the dark and seldom seen corners of her room. I walked her to the door and she turned around in the hall for a kiss, Swiffer in one hand, vacuum in the other, bucket full of 409 and rags hanging on her arm. I smiled and called out the door, “Thank you! See you again next Thursday!”

She was not entirely amused. I gave her a kiss and off she went to clean.