Random Esquire

1. I love meatloaf.

God help me, I know it’s an actual loaf of meat held together with a 15 cent egg and crumbs from the bottom of your toaster, but I truly love meatloaf. The golden age of meatloaf has taken a sharp decline in the Random household since the advent of Boss. This caused some meatloaf nostalgia today when I realized that Little Filthy has not known the beauty of the loaf d’meat.

2. I have marching orders from an old co-worker - the one I rather ineptly compared to a horse when, as she bemoaned being single for life, I said to her, “You’re not going to be single for life. You’re tall, leggy, blonde, you just lost 20 pounds and you look fantastic, you have huge boobs, and you love NASCAR and beer. For God’s sake, if you were a horse, I’d bet on you.”

She is a big Justin Timberlake fan. I am to tell Justin that she would like to have his children. I am not entirely sure how I am supposed to relay this to him. In addition, I know that deep in her heart, she would prefer to be with Dale Earnheardt Jr., raising little NASCAR JonBenets.

3. My CPA was called by David Letterman’s show and asked to be on. Speaking of my accountant…he, too, loves meatloaf. Anyway, he is not famous. In fact, he was asked to go specifically so that David could make fun of him. It is more like he is in the running to be the new Larry Bud Melman. More updates as events warrant.