Random Esquire

I told Boss I was excited to go to the Oprah show because it will be the closest I come to meeting Jesus. Boss doesn’t find me as funny as I’d like, sometimes.

Admittedly, I am a bit curious about what happens once we get into the studio. The polite woman who called me said that no cell phones or cameras were allowed and that there would be a “search” prior to entering the studios. I also have no idea what the show topic will be and I am hoping that I don’t have to spend an hour seated next to my mother while Oprah and her guests discuss sex. While I’m tempted to smuggle in a camera of some sort, I am pretty sure that, like Jesus, Oprah has x-ray vision and will promptly evacuate me from the premises.

Boss has asked that I relay to Oprah her sincere desire to meet Madonna and impress upon Oprah how this is her life’s dream and this would then be the happiest day of Boss’s life.

What am I, chopped liver over here?