Random Esquire

You may have heard by now that the company Trekstor makes mp3 players with the brand name iBeat.  There’s the iBeat Motion, the iBeat Pink, and then there’s one called Blaxx.

Yes, it’s the iBeat Blaxx.

Gizmodo wrote a rather to the point letter to Trekstor which prompted Trekstor to re-think the device’s name.

Stay tuned for their new products:  the iBeat Homos and the iBeat Off.

I told Boss I was excited to go to the Oprah show because it will be the closest I come to meeting Jesus. Boss doesn’t find me as funny as I’d like, sometimes.

Admittedly, I am a bit curious about what happens once we get into the studio. The polite woman who called me said that no cell phones or cameras were allowed and that there would be a “search” prior to entering the studios. I also have no idea what the show topic will be and I am hoping that I don’t have to spend an hour seated next to my mother while Oprah and her guests discuss sex. While I’m tempted to smuggle in a camera of some sort, I am pretty sure that, like Jesus, Oprah has x-ray vision and will promptly evacuate me from the premises.

Boss has asked that I relay to Oprah her sincere desire to meet Madonna and impress upon Oprah how this is her life’s dream and this would then be the happiest day of Boss’s life.

What am I, chopped liver over here?

Instigator and I were discussing Michael Vick and dogfighting today. We agree that he should get the book thrown at him. I mentioned that I thought bullfighting was unusually cruel, as well. Sticking a bunch of barbs in an animal? Seems pretty rough to me.

And that brought up cockfighting. For some reason, neither of us had that gut reaction of disgust at cockfighting. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s bad. But for some reason, if it has feathers instead of fur, I just don’t get as worked up.

Well, maybe if they were baby ducks. Baby ducks are cute. That would be disturbing. I don’t think I could stomach a bloody baby duck. Okay, so feathers aren’t the key. Maybe it’s size? The bigger the animal, the more tragic it seems.

And then it hit me: Siamese Fighting Fish.

It’s perfect. They’re small and they have neither fur nor feathers. Put two of them together and they duke it out to the death. Easy to maintain - it’s brilliant! I’m going to start collecting some beauties and taking bets. I’ll put a large tank in the middle of my living room and have some seats built around it. I’ll hang a sign on the side of the bowl that says, “Two Fish Enter, One Fish Leaves.” And clean-up is a snap. Er, a flush.

Get in on the action.