Random Esquire

Last week, Boss said to me, “You can’t write about me any more.”

I said, “Why not?”

She said, “Because! Go find a girlfriend and write about her.”

So I considered it. But I can’t do it. It’s just too much to re-learn. I can’t keep track of how two women like their coffee. Or whose turn it is to change the roll of toilet paper. Or mow the lawn. Besides, it’s only a queen size bed. Where would she sleep? Plus, we don’t have a lawn and I don’t want to get one and I’m pretty sure that if I had two women in my life, one of them would be wanting a house. A house with a lawn.