Random Esquire

Ever since finding this forum post which I wrote about here, I’ve been a bit fascinated by this website monsterfishkeepers.com. I wonder if that’s just some made up name or if “Monster Fish” is some sort of term-of-art. Would my local fish tank guy think I was nuts if I said, “Yeah, I’m here for some monster fish”?

“My puranha are pussies!!! helps!!!” I suppose if you buy a piranha, you might like to see it tear open some flesh. This guy is clearly disappointed that his fish are the lesser known sub-species, pussy puranha.

This stingray is out of the movie Alien. This catfish must be hundreds of pounds. You’d have to noodle with your head to get that thing.

Since you can clearly read, it is quite possible you may not have heard of “Noodling.” Noodling is when some guy goes into the water and sticks his hand in all manner of dark places where he thinks a catfish might be lurking. The catfish basically bites or swallows the dude’s hand and he yanks out the fish. I am assuming it is a guy for the same reason that women do not find it a worthwhile activity to roll down the window, hollar and peel out.

Here are two great Noodling videos:

Noodling video: complete with guys screaming in pain.

Noodling Porn. I stand corrected on the female noodlers. This is like…backwoods porn. It includes female noodlers, *cartoon* noodling, and an original song out how the law doesn’t understand catfish-grabbin’. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

What I like about finding this forum is that it is a completely different world to me. Someone posts a picture of some ridiculously huge fish and the first thing someone responds is, “Yo, how much?” I love it.

Boss is out of town this weekend, leaving Little Filthy and me to do nothing but eat steak and watch dude movies. I have here: Apocalypto, 300 and 23. I see that movies have been so overdone that we’re now just numbering them. A quick search on imdb.com shows that there’s been a movie with the title of each number from 1 through 9, except 6.  Which just goes to prove that the number 6 truly sucks.

Anyway, Little Filthy and I just watched 300. We were not impressed. This thing is just barely a dude movie. First, it was mostly half naked guys and only two women. That might have disqualified it entirely were it not for the fact that both women showed their nipples. This does more than just shoehorn a movie into viewable, it whisks it in entirely.

Lest you think I’m a complete pig, Boss and I just watched Terms of Endearment this week. We spent much of the time saying, “Wow, look at how young so-and-so looks.” I am pleased to report that Shirley MacLaine did not show her nipples.

More pho, please.