Random Esquire

Boss is on the ground, doing Pilates to a DVD.. Little Filthy and I are watching from the couch. I made the mistake of looking at the contorted position of the woman on the screen, looking at Boss and then saying, “Her legs are straight.” Boss just said, “JESUS. Yeah, right.” Her leg then swung around in a circle and knocked Little Filthy’s container of treats off the coffee table and on the ground. I won’t lie. Some of the charm in watching her is that she’s wearing athletic socks and house slippers. It’s really a little bit ridiculous.

She just said, “I can’t even sit like that.” I just said, “How’s that feel?” She said, “It hurts. And I don’t feel skinny yet.”

Did I mention that this is her first time? And she’s already skinny.

She just burst out laughing and said, “I don’t know why you’re not doing this with me.”

New session - doing something called “Teaser.” Now she’s swimming in position. On the floor. In our living room. Little Filthy has now moved off the couch and is sitting on the rug near her, obviously curious enough that it warrants a closer look.

Just had a narrow miss; almost knocked her head on the coffee table. She just asked Little Filthy, “Do I look like Madonna yet?” Then, answering her own question for Little Filthy, muttered, “You’re retarded.”

Oh, new lesson. She fast-forwarded through most of it. I wonder how effective that was. The woman on the screen is moving, double time. There’s a lot of rolling backwards and forwards in pilates. I just asked, “Is this…a sped up version?” She said, “This is the advanced.”

Her first time, people.