Random Esquire

Friday night feels so good, I think I’ll do it again next week. We picked up wine and some take out Chinese and are finally winding down.

On my way home today, while waiting for the train, I was approached by a boy around 10 or so. He had a box of Starburst packages in his hands. He mumbled, “hi, mah name is mumble mumble and I’m tryin to git to mumble mumble camp….would you like to help me?” I blinked. I said, “No, thanks.” He said, “That hurts my heart.” I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing. Who tells these kids to say these things? He understood from my laughing that he wasn’t getting any money from me.

I was speaking with the two women who sit in cubicles outside my office. The topic of Eva Longoria came up. One of the women said, “I don’t understand it…I think Terri Hatcher is more attractive.” I burst out laughing at this. That’s like someone who says that Jennifer Anniston is more attractive than Angelina Jolie. Most men like a little trash in a woman. Men like women who look like whores. But they damn well better not be. Women like women who don’t look like whores. But it’d be okay if they were. And that is my stereotype for the day.

I think my glass of wine is calling me.

1. While looking out at the thousands of people at the Austin City Limits Music Fesitval, I remarked to Boss that I have never seen so many white people at one time. Seriously.

2. When you see a Dodge Charger in Chicago, it almost always has a black man at the wheel. In Texas…white women. No kidding.

3. As we approached a large, dirty man eating a sandwich on the street, I thought about how the Texas winters were probably easier on the homeless than the Chicago winters. But then I realized that he wasn’t homeless, he was just a Texan.

Boss and I are waiting for a connecting flight on our way for some music and sun. I did dial into a conference call to see how things were going while I’m out of the office and…it is not good. I suspect my workload upon my return may punish me for taking vacation. Nothing could be done. Boss and I needed kissy face time.

I dropped of Little Filthy at my parents’ place last night. As I drove away, he stood in the driveway with a look on his face that said, “Don’t go! I’m gonna beeee baaaaaaad.”

Boss and I are going on a vacation for a few days later this month and I asked my parents to babysit Little Filthy. My father actually sighed and said, “He…is…not easy to watch…” This is true.The first time they watched Little Filthy, I dropped him off and he looked me dead in the eye and promised to behave.
<—– This is him, promising.

That day, he baked a potato on the dining room rug and ran up to the Master bedroom. My mother followed him up to find his bottom sticking out from under the bed. As soon as she walked in, he scooted under the bed; my mother said she heard him scooting around all over under the bed. When he emerged, he was covered in a small layer of dust and appeared to be chewing something. He was scolded and given a bath.

Feeling badly, he spent the rest of the day apologizing and begging to be let back up on to the couch.

Whispering, “.. .I‘msorry…”

The next day, I picked up him and took him home. I walked him outside and he..baked another potato. I noticed something unusual and alarming in his creation and as I picked it up after him….I realized what it was. I called my parents and told them. My father said, “So, that’s where my earplugs went!”

At least my marathon running father will wear him out and he’ll come home and do the one thing he does best.

The End.

I fixed the toilet with a twist tie.

With a twist tie, people.

I’m sort of awesome, when you think about it.