Random Esquire

1. Did you see the African American family on the Amazing Race? Their last name was Black. The show called them “The Black Family.” This tickled me.

Now, on the show Treasure Hunters, there is another African American family. They are “The Brown Family.”

I secretly wish they were Hispanic.

2. I told my sister about seeing the white tiger. She said, “I would have called Animal Control. I would have gotten their license plate.”

I said, “I would have died.”

Look, people who deal drugs sometimes kill people. They don’t scare me. These people deal TIGER. You can’t even do that recreationally. You’re pretty much committed if you’re doing TIGER. No one just does TIGER on the weekends.

3. Fresh Express walked around with toothpaste drool on her chin today. And all day, it looked like a bullseye to me.

4. I volunteered to negotiate a contract today for another attorney who is swamped. I got the contract. It is 81 pages. I groaned like someone throat punched me.