Random Esquire

I’ve put in 20+ hours in the last two days on the same negotiation and still, the other party threatens to walk away. Just once, I would like to say, “Sit your ass down.” But, of course, I can’t. The sales team manager would drop her blob. He’s giving our team blue balls. And each time he throws a fit about something, one of my team members goes and shakes a rattle at him until he smiles. Also known as “talking him down from the ledge.” This is why I could not be a sales person. I told Churro that my sales team will just keep giving this customer a blow job until he finally just pushes them away and says it just isn’t working for him and this just isn’t going to happen. All that excitement for nothing.

Sales people think attorneys just get in the way of business and closing deals. The sales team starts foreplay with the Customer and they are just about to seal the deal when I wedge myself in between the two of them and say, “HEY, how about a condom? I mean, I know you both talked it out and trust each other…but, you know…just in case.”

A little protection.

I know it doesn’t feel as good for either of you but you’re both fully protected.

I kill the mood.

I’m an attorney. It’s what I do.