Random Esquire

The stupidest girl I ever dated was COLLEGE. Thus named because she was as dumb as John Belushi in Animal House and because she lied to me about having gone to college.

COLLEGE once said to me that she felt badly for Albert Einstein because imagine the pressure he must have had growing up to be intelligent. I looked at her blankly and she said, “You know…with that name…”

One day, I was constructing our bed frame and grabbed a socket wrench from the makeshift tool box we used which was leftover from her previous apartment life. I asked COLLEGE to find the right socket. She said, “I don’t have any sockets.” I said, “What? You must. You have a socket wrench.” She said, ‘No, when Kimmy and I moved out, we split up the tools.” I looked at her. “So…you got the socket wrench and…..she got the sockets?” She nodded.

It didn’t last very long.