Random Esquire

1. My sister is a week overdue. There must be margaritas in there.

2. Boss and I have booked our vacation for next month. Beach, sun, food, drink and lazing about. I spoke with my mother this evening and asked if she would mind watching Little Filthy. She protested loudly and recounted all the bad things he did the last time he stayed with them. However, she was laughing the entire time. I will take that as a ‘yes’. He inspires this reaction, like an offensive joke that is still funny.

3. Random celebrity opinions:

a. Jennifer Aniston is not attractive. Her jaw rivals that of Jay Leno.
b. Little Filthy has a crush on Katharine McPhee on American Idol.
c. Robin Williams is not funny. He is, however, hairy.
d. Tom Hanks in the role of Robert Langdon is just wrong. A young Harrison Ford should be Robert Langdon (DaVinci Code)
e. Bobby Flay is insufferable.

1. Boss is very sarcastic. Very sarcastic. What does this mean? It means that if the children in her kindergarten class ask too many questions and she tires of dodging them, she will provide a sarcastic response to quiet them. She has one little girl who believes that her first name is Larry. And a little boy who believes she is 71 years old.

2. Last week, during show & tell, a little boy brought those little sponge capsules that expand in water and as he showed them to the class, explained that he had picked these out carefully and really hoped that “she would like them.” Boss inquired, “Who is she?” He said, “You know…Chantelle.”

This is because Boss told them to bring something for “Show’n'tell” and he mistakenly heard “Chantelle” and thought they were bringing in gifts for a little girl. Kind of makes you want to put him in your pocket and take him home.

3. I have the unfortunate bad habit of eating at the coffee table. Last night, I prepared my dinner: tuna steak, broccolini, mashed potatoes and an ear of corn. I got up to get a bottle of water and turned around just in time to see Little Filthy with my ear of corn sticking out of either side of his mouth. In a flash, he scrambled under the couch. It was not difficult to catch him because Little Filthy, like a two year old, believes that if he can’t see you, then you must not be able to see him. So while he feels perfectly safe under the couch, I need only lean over and grab the tail attached to the rear end sticking out. He promptly spit out the ear of corn and scrambled out the other end of the couch to see if he could grab anything else while I fetched the corn.

Rotten dog.