Random Esquire

Well, it was a bad weekend. On Saturday night, and I will spare you the specifics since they only make me cringe - not only in pain but in the realization of exactly just how stupid I can be - I mangled my arm and thought I had broken it. Boss took me to the emergency room where X-rays showed that all bones were intact and the damage was all to soft tissue. I had crushed the muscles of my forearm. While there, the nurse suggested cleaning me up. Cleaning me? That is when I asked Boss to hold up a mirror so I could see the back of my forearm. Somehow, I had received a puncture wound which was thereafter referred to as a “hole.” Doc suggested a tetanus shot so up went the sleeve to my other arm. Another nurse came to give me pain medication - only, she did not bother to identify her purpose so when she walked in and handed a cup of water to me, I first thought that perhaps she was there to look at my arm and would I please hold her water while she did so? Naturally, I refused. To hold her water, that is - I did not refuse the pain medication. On the contrary, when she told me she was there to give me pain medication, I grabbed the cup and opened my mouth like a baby bird.

Did I mention that it was a good twenty-five or so degrees below freezing? It was. We made our way to the car and jumped in, shaking from cold. And it didn’t start. The engine did not even turn over. I got out of the car and had Boss turn on the lights. They turned on. I re-locked and unlocked the doors and we tried again. Car started. Must be the security system. We were just grateful it started and that we did not need to call a cab.

We get home. That’s funny, it feels cold in here. That would be because the heat is out.

Misery comes in threes.

So now I am home with one arm in an icepack, sitting in front of the lit fireplace, typing with one hand, waiting for the heating company. Boss had to work today. My right hand looks like Howie Mandel blew it up and any movement makes me want shout. AND I AM HUNGRY.