Random Esquire

On Friday, a co-worker (Nickname: Bluetooth because she never removes her bluetooth headset) of mine told me that she can speak in tongues. It exhausts me to even consider explaining how this arose. Suffice to say that she recently discovered this ability and was excited to share the news. I brought this on myself. I have an unfortunate affliction – a congenital disease. I am unfailingly polite.

I think I can hear Boss laughing. And I should qualify it to say that I am also an aggressive jerk, too. But in the workplace and to my co-workers: unfailingly polite. I do a lot of listening. Back to my story.

Bluetooth said, “I can do it anytime. I could do it right now if I wanted to.” At this point in my story, as I was relaying it to a different co-worker, I raised my right hand and closed my eyes. I did this because my co-worker’s eyes had lit up and she had almost come up out of her chair. Before she asked, I said, “No, I did not ask her to do it.” Let me explain.

It is not that I did not want to see a demonstration. I did. But I didn’t ask for two reasons: 1) I thought I might burst out laughing or 2) I thought if Bluetooth started speaking in tongues and her eyes rolled back in her head, I might scream. I admit it. It would freak me right out.

In my imaginary world, I say to her, “You might be crazy for a variety of reasons.” In the real world, I say, “That’s very interesting and it sounds like you are excited to explore that part of your life more.”

What is wrong with me?