Random Esquire

It’s Sunday already? Here is the quick weekend update:

Friday night: Both home tired from work. Told Boss that I had planned something for her and her mother on Saturday. Boss does not like surprises. This one is hesitantly met.

Saturday morning: Clean! Mother-in-law is coming and Little Filthy needs a bath. We sang a new song in the bathtub. Sung to the tune of Frere Jacque. I’m a filthy animal! I’m a filthy animal! Please give me a bath! Please give me a bath! I want to be all fresh and clean! Not like I need Listerine! Wash me, please. Wash me, please. We sing the entire time. Boss tolerates us.

MIL arrives. Take her and Boss out for lunch. Then to pre-arranged date at the spa for both (this is what I planned with MIL, so they’d have some quality mother-daughter time). Facials and massages. Return to pick them up. Both glowing. Come home, relax. Take Boss and MIL out for dinner. Come home, pass out asleep.

Sunday: Walk Little Filthy. Get Sunday paper. Make coffee. Go pick up bagels. Feed the masses. Got birthday gift from MIL. YES! MIL and Boss head off to shop. I am going to try to get work done so that Boss and I can curl up on the couch and enjoy a peaceful Sunday night.

Mondays sure come quickly.

How do two people spend $250 at CostCo? Being crazy helps.

We purchased a beef tenderloin which I then trimmed and cut into perfect 1 1/2 inch filets which I would love to grill. If I had a grill. (Insert frown at Boss.) Instead, my plan is to sear them on my new 10 inch All-Clad stainless pan, get some good frond going, deglaze with some brandy, add cream, and serve. Maybe. Who knows, really. I am a tempermental cook. I might just serve Frosted Mini-Wheats all week long.

Last night, I made a beef curry dish. Surprisingly, Boss ate some. This is surprising because when I met Boss, she would not eat anything more exotic than a turkey sandwich. Speaking of turkey sandwiches, I just packed Boss’s lunch. I started packing her lunch when I realized her knees were getting larger. Then, of course, I realized that her knees weren’t growing. Her legs were getting skinnier. So I started a Random Household Government program and each morning, she is issued a cup of coffee in a to-go cup, a turkey sandwich, piece of fruit, pretzels, cheese stick and a package of daily vitamins.

Little Filthy got tenderloin broth on top of his dog food. And baby carrots.

We take care of our citizens here.

1. Today, while on a call, a co-worker said to me, “You really like your job, don’t you?” I said, “Yes, I do.” He said, “I can tell.” Fortunately, I stopped myself before asking, “What the devil does that mean?” because he went on to say, “Because you’re always helpful and upbeat.” I said, “OH.”

2. Boss told her class about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. today. She asked them to complete this sentence: “I have a dream that…” Some had dreams that there was no fighting in the world. Or that everyone shared their toys. One little boy said, “…that my little brother died.” I suppose he should get points for a dream with some real possibility.

3. Last week, Little Filthy had turkey and vegetables for dinner. It was the smelliest evening I have ever experienced. Tonight, he had lamb. I expect bad things.

4. Boss is not allowed to see: Pug puppies or diamond rings. She melts into a puddle and makes whimpering, kissy noises.

5. It’s meme time. Please answer the below:

a) Would you rather have a glass eye or no front teeth for life? (You can’t get replacement teeth.)
b) Please tell me one subject you wish you were the expert in.
c) Let’s say I decided to pursue another occupation. Please choose one for me.

Boss and I had a wonderful evening out. Despite a perfectly good meal, I promptly had a piece of the birthday cake Boss made me when we got home. It was delicious.

In order to fully enjoy our evening, we had to forbid a particular topic from conversation. There are particular issues surrounding her employment and education that upset us both so much that we can scarcely discuss it without one of us swearing and gritting our teeth. Of course, my contribution (after listening) typically consists of insisting that she refer everyone to me. I wonder if the Mafia is listed in the yellow pages.

Boss wore an incredible shirt tonight. Very flattering in the ways I like. It prompted me to nudge her (and I may have glanced in that general direction) and say, “I am going to eat off that snack tray later tonight.” You heard it here first, folks. I am a pig. Sometimes I need to indulge myself by saying the things I used to only think. Last week, I poked Boss in the butt and said, “I’m going to have a piece of that later.”

Pig.

I am very wound up tonight. Here is why. First, I have just an incredible woman in my life who took a day that has never been particularly special to me and shown me that it is special to her. She makes me feel good. Second, my job is very exciting and it makes me want to delve into it and become an expert. I honestly look forward to the next day. Third, I know that I am going to have a fantastic Wednesday because Boss and I have incredible plans for that day.

The scene: I am relaxing on the couch, sleeping puppy beside me, Boss doing some online shopping, fresh gerber daisies on the kitchen counter and the place smells like brownies.

This peace is worth everything that ever came before it.

Boss just told me that one of her kids stuck his hand in some vomit in the restroom…because another student told him to do it. She said she almost knocked their heads off.

I love her work stories.

1. Boss’s class is doing F words. I liked the M words. My magical mouse loves meatballs and mints!

2. We are watching Wife Swap. (Because sometimes we’re cultured that way.) I could not participate in this show. As I understand it, the premise is to supplant a wife with her polar opposite and see how much her family will endure in order to get fifty thousand dollars they have no autonomy to spend. I just tried to imagine the polar opposite of Boss. Well, there’d be less shoes in the closet, that’s for sure.

4. Little Filthy just stood next to me and went *Cakk!*