Random Esquire

1. Little Filthy visited his grandmother this weekend. He paid tribute to the new Oriental rug under the dining room table. In fact, he paid two tributes to her Oriental rug, the last of which my pregnant sister stepped in. He’s delightful.

2. I looked through my sister’s list of boy names. I noted: Winthrop and Quincy. I said, “What do you think of Oliver?” She said, “I like it. How did you know?” I said, “Because I see you’re only picking names that will get your children beat up.”

3. Someone posted on the pug_pics journal and requested an animal-safe way to get rid of ants. I wanted to reply, “Don’t be filthy.” Now, I know that is inappropriate but it’s just the kind of inappropriate response that makes me grin. Perhaps something is wrong with me.

4. Boss fell in love with a three carat diamond ring this past weekend. I might suggest simply strapping a car to her finger.