Random Esquire

I’m over Dakota Fanning. I am not sure if I have ever been anything but over Dakota Fanning but it seems more pronounced lately. One can only take so much toothy innocence.

We run the dishwasher almost every night. It’s running right now. We went out to dinner. How do we use so many dishes?? I must use cups like kleenex.

Just then, I thought, “What if there were cups that were disposable like that - where they just popped up out of a box and you pitched them after using them??” Yeeeesssss, very good, Random. Those are called Dixie Cups.

Fresh Express has two differently colored eyes. One is slightly more green than the other. I have noticed this for some time now, mainly because she stands uncomfortably close when speaking. I suppose it was rather foolish of me not to realize that it was anything other than the result of an intentional act on her part. Today, we discussed contact lenses and she told me that she wears only one. Upon my inquiry, she confirmed that yes, it is tinted. She wears one tinted contact lens. The logic escapes me. Her eye doctor should have had the good sense to say, “You only need one contact lens…I don’t think tinted is the way to go.”

Little Filthy inhales his food like a asthmatic sucks on an inhaler. Oddly enough, he inhales his food but takes time to enjoy his poo by chewing thoroughly. That was an unfortunate tooth brushing discovery.