Random Esquire

11:30 a.m.  sunshine. sleep with blanket.

1:30 p.m. move with sun to couch.  take blanket with.

2:00 p.m.  fell asleep mid-stretch.

3:00 p.m.  something on paw.

3:10 p.m.  nope. back to sleep.

I woke up this morning and thought, “I want to play guitar.”

It isn’t the first time I’ve had this thought.  My sister and I grew up playing multiple musical instruments but I’d never learned how to play the guitar.

At 10:20, I called up Buddy who has played for years and said “I want.”  Response: “Go get.”

By 11:30, I had purchased a guitar, case, strings, music, tuner, picks, etc.

By 1:30, I wished for callouses on my fingers.

I sent a picture of my red-lined, string molded, throbbing fingers to Buddy.

The response?

“Poor you.”

Bastard.

I walked into Instigator’s office today and when she looked up from her computer at me, I paused.

She was wearing lipstick.

See, Instigator usually puts on lipstick after I walk into the office.  She puts on lipstick for me.  What’s the point of having a work girlfriend who doesn’t wear lipstick for you?   I recalled seeing a large group of people in one of our conference room and quickly deduced that they were her people and that she was wearing lipstick for them.

I said, “Those your people?”  She nodded.  I made a circular motion with a hand indicating her face and said, “I just want you to know that I know this wasn’t for me.”

She ignored me.

Churro joined the conversation with me and Instigator.  The three of us were discussing something when Fresh Express wandered in.

I am ashamed to say that it was…. how shall I say this,…  it was pointedly obvious that Fresh Express was not wearing a bra.  I attempted to go cross-eyed rather than endure.

Afer she left the room, I sighed and said, “Could she please wear a bra?!”

Instigator looked at me and said, “Could she please wear some shoes!”

I gaped. I hadn’t noticed that she hadn’t been wearing shoes, for God’s sake.  I’m pretty sure that if  Denny’s would refuse you service based upon your level of dress or undress, then certainly it is not appropriate for the office, no?

Churro chimed in that yes, in fact, Fresh Express was walking around in a pair of socks that were “fucking filthy”.  Sure enough, I noticed them later.  They were purple Donny Osmond socks, my friends.  And they were black on the bottom.

I’ve mentioned that Fresh Express once washed her socks in an office coffee pot, right?

See, this is why you don’t drink office coffee.  It could just as likely be Fresh Express Sock Dirt colored water.

Unacceptable.

1.  I found Little Filthy with his front paws straddling the toilet, face down into the bowl.  I would have scolded him but having felt rather the same way, I just pulled him out the skipped the lecture.

2.   Buddy had a rough day trying for the fourth time to set up a bank account.  Here’s how it went:

Buddy:  I went to the bank to set up an account and the lady did it wrong FOUR times.

Not good for my blood pressure.
But the lady had nice hands.
So.
There was that.

RandomEsq:  Those must have been some really nice hands.

Buddy:  I admired them.  Four times.

RandomEsq:  Nice.

Buddy:  If she had been a troll, I would have thrown a fit.

I know, it’s awful.
But that’s the kind of day it’s been.
So who cares?

3.  You know what sucks?  When you can’t decide which you’d like more: a drink or a cigarette.

Especially when you aren’t a big drinker and when you’ve quit smoking.

4.  I’ve been trying my hand at tilt-shift photography – it tends to make things look like they are miniatures.  Here’s a picture from Venice, one from Chicago and an eyeball.

Dear Pink,

I love you.

Like,

for serial.

-R.

Rubbermoon sent me some interesting glass slides of scenes from various locations.  It’s what you imagine a picture might look like if it was printed on glass.  Very interesting!  I took pictures of them with the sun looking through.  Each slide was labeled with some indication of the location.

Swiss Lakes

Blue Lakes of Italy

Mediterranean

Norway

Got a bit

of a

wanderin’ eye

issue

goin’ on.

Lady Date Penelope says, “You know I am Spanish, right?”

I’m not a big fan of talking on the telephone.  I spend about 50% of my day at work on phone calls.  By the end of the day, I’d rather be next to someone than have a phone against my ear.  I dislike the sound of a ringing phone and often have calls silenced.  E-mails and text messages make the smallest of blips.

I actually don’t speak with almost anyone on the phone other than my family and some very good friends.  Even then, I often choose not to answer the phone.  I forget that not everyone is like this until I hear the sound of someone’s phone ringing and I instantly get a confused look.  My communication with most people is done via IM or text message.

That’s right.  Apparently I’ve entered some sort of friendship blackhole in which relationships are advanced without the troublesome, hampering need to actually see someone face to face.  I’m being rather tongue in cheek there.  But you get my point.

The other day, I was discussing something with Sitcom and I said, “Hey, you free right now? I’m going to call you.”  She said, “Sure!”

And I realized something.  Remember when people would just stop by someone else’s place?  The general rule was that you called first.  You call before you stop by.  Now?   Now I text before calling someone.

What the hell?

Calling is the new stopping by.

I worked last last night and my workload was lightened a fair bit by my most recent work wife.  She’s a new work wife.  I’m a polygamist in the office.  Work wife and I have a work-deal to discuss so I sent her an e-mail asking if I could take her to lunch and we could sit down with the contract in question to discuss.  She accepted.  Simple, right?

Except, see, last week, I read my work girlfriend – Instigator – the riot act when I found out that she had brought her lunch to the office.  Because, really, folks, what’s the point of a work girlfriend if you aren’t running off at lunch time?

There.  Does that set the scene?  Can you see how this is going to go?

I walked into Instigator’s office this morning and prompted peered at her eyeball and exclaimed, “You have green eyes!  That will make a good picture!”  She ignored me.  Then she said, “Are we going to lunch today?  I purposely did not bring something to eat!”

I opened my mouth and said, “Oooooooeeeeeeeewwwww…, about that….” and then  Instigator’s brows furrowed and her lips curled and when I explained the situation, she said, “WHAT?!”  I cringed.  And then I told her who my new work wife is and that we had lunch plans.  And then she picked up some paper from her desk, wadded it up and I instantly ducked down behind her desk to avoid the flying paper ball.

She said, “Look, first, I wasn’t invited to your Lady Date.  Then, you didn’t take advantage of the fact that my husband was out of town last week. NOW we aren’t going to lunch?”

So I am eating two lunches today.